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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Not being able to orgasm.

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Author Topic: Not being able to orgasm.
peterg
Activist
Member # 46581

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Ok, so I've got a bit of a dilemma, sexually right now.

I can't orgasm with my girlfriend. And I'm not sure why.

well first off, let me give you a bit of background info.

So I can orgasm, and ejaculate, perfectly fine while masturbating and watching porn.

However when I started to become sexually active with other people. I haven't been able to have an orgasm with any of them.

The first person I had sex with was 2 years ago, and it was a flop, because it was rushed, it only lasted about 20 mins, because I had to get home before my mum. I only had sexual intercourse with her, no foreplay what so ever. So I think the fact that it was rushed, and that it was my first time, and the fact that I wasn't in a relationship with her, all could contribute to the fact that I didn't orgasm.

The second girl I had sex with, was last year, in college, we decided to get together, because we didn't have any plans for Valentine's Day, and so we got together, and hung out, and then eventually we had sexual encounters. We did things like blow jobs, hand jobs, and penetrative penis and vagina sex. Still I was unable to orgasm, and we tried having sex about 3-4 times. Again, with her, it could be the nervousness fact, or the issue that I wash;tin a relationship with her either. I think it could have been also, a size difference. I'm not trying to bash her in anyway for her size, but she was pretty big compared to me, so maybe that could have also been a factor.

The third girl, and my current girl that I'm with, things are great, cause we both like each other, and although we currently aren't in a relationship, we will be soon, because we both like each other, and have been fooling around for about a month now. We met in September in our college biology class, and I helped her get out of an unhealthy relationship. and for about the past month or so, we have been cuddling, kissing, and making out, fingering, eating out, and doing hand jobs and blow jobs. And we've also slept over at each other's houses. Things are great with her, and I like everything we do together, and she likes what I do to her. We have decided to wait for sex, because she' and I have messed up in the past when it domes to relationships and sexual intercourse. But like my past relationships I still haven't been able to orgasm, and ejaculate when she does things to me. I think it might be a nervousness issue, and that I tense up just when I get to the peak, and can't finish all the way. Like I'll get to the point where I feel like I'm going to orgasm and ejaculate, but I just can't seem to do it.

However, I have been able to orgasm, with her in the room, but I was pleasuring myself, while she was pleasuring herself, and talking dirty. Which I must say that it is an improvement compared to my past relationships.

Do you have any tips or info on how to help with orgasming? if not that's fine, I just wanted someone's input.

Thanks!

[ 11-16-2013, 05:26 PM: Message edited by: peterg ]

Posts: 176 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Peterg,

What you're describing here are brief encounters in which you haven't always been totally at ease, and which have also been short enough that your partner and you haven't really had the time to get to know each other, talk about your needs and desires, and fully explore each other's bodies. It's not always going to happen that a sexual partner is going to know exactly what we need or want the first, second, or even the thirtieth time we're together.

It's also not unusual for any sexual partner to not be able to do the things we do ourselves that bring us to orgasm. Sometimes that will change over time, and sometimes it won't. It's never a bad thing to need to take over from a sexual partner giving us pleasure in order to reach orgasm. Doing this doesn't say anything at all (good, bad, or neutral) about our sexuality, a partner's ability to pleasure us, or about anything else.

So, I'd suggest not worrying about this too much, continuing to experiment with your girlfriend and openly talk with her about what you enjoy sexually, and see how things go from there.

Also, if you find that you tense up at a certain time, you can focus on intentionally relaxing and see what that does for you.

How does all this sound?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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