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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I over-reacting?

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Author Topic: Am I over-reacting?
moonlight bouncing off water
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So today, after postponing and postponing, I asked out a guy in one of my university classes when we were walking and talking to our next class (which we don't share but have very nearby). He said yes, which is awesome, but, well it went more like this:

Me: *abruptly interrupting an unrelated conversation* "so, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?"

*Silence while I stop at a fountain to drink water*

Me: "this is the part where you respond"

Him: "umm, I had thought of it. Umm, umm, umm, umm, umm... maybe"

*silence*

Him: "that's not a good answer, is it?"

Me: "it's not a horrible answer..."

Him:"ummmmm, ummm..." (pretty much just continuing as we walked across a 10 to 12 metre lobby) "umm, yeah, let's give that a try".

We exchanged numbers (at his initiation) and said we'd make specific plans later and parted ways.


So: the part were I wonder a little bit is all of the "umms" and "I had thought of it". (Had?).

Does "had" mean he was going to ask me out but decided against it?

Does "umm" mean he didn't really want to go out with me and couldn't find a way to say so without hurting my feelings?

I know y'all can't actually get inside of his head and tell me, but do you think I'm overreacting? Should I ask him about all the "umms"?

I'll likely see him soon today, but if not I'll see him on Friday in class for sure. We'll plan the date then, and perhaps I should ask him about the "umms" then? Or on the date? Or after if we keep seeing each other?

What do y'all think? And what do y'all think the "umms" mean?

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hey Moonlight,

You know, while I can't say for sure, I think it's possible that the ums and the "I had thought of it" weren't said with any sort of intention to convey anything but a little bit of confusion. You describe interrupting an unrelated conversation, and it's quite possible that his brain was just taking a while to shift gears.

I'd suggest not asking him what he meant by his words, but just seeing how things go with seeing him around campus, and with the date. After all, he may not have been conscious of what he was saying while he was figuring out this new line of conversation. [Smile]

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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Also, there wasn't anything wrong with the way you asked him if he wanted to go out. [Smile] These things aren't nearly as smooth as they usually make them look in the movies. [Smile]

[ 11-06-2013, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Thanks Robin, I guess that makes sense.

I still feel a little bit like he took quite some time to switch gears, but hey, he said yes in the end.

I shall see how things go.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hey Moonlight,

It's absolutely okay for you to feel weird about how that played out. You're always entitled to your feelings. [Smile]

I think the cliché that actions speak louder than words is quite often true, so you'll have a good sense for what's going on as this plays out.

It's still nerve-wracking though, and that's okay. [Smile]

Good luck!

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Robin

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Update: it's going really, really well. We hung out after class and are definantly going to go out (after our gosh-awful midterm exams). Before then, though, I anticipate some more hanging out and getting to know each other beyond the capacity of whispering during lecture and walking to class.

I am totally not worried about any of that other stuff any more. [Big Grin]

This is all so new and exciting and fresh! And it's helping me to see that I am capable of relating to people romantically without emotional dependency (my last relationship ultimately collapsed because of this).

I am really excited and I am SO SO SO glad that I bit the bullet today and asked him, despite it not being a perfect moment.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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