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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to talk about my personal issues with my boyfriend.

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Author Topic: How to talk about my personal issues with my boyfriend.
Member # 108306

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So my boyfriend and I moved in together 4 months ago. We get along well, we have the same values and beliefs. We also love each other's families and they love us. He's the only relationship I've really had (minus two super short ones). He's also the only guy I've ever slept with. He's such an amazing guy!

I used to have depression, but I still have anxiety. My boyfriend is a very smart guy and he reads people very well. He says it's fear that causes it. I never realized it until he said it and it's so true! I grew up in a lot of fear. I was abused by my nanny. Someone broke into my house when I was five and I was home too! My dad was almost murdered and took a long time to recover. My mother was emotionally abusive. She also has a terrible history herself, lots of abuse and she was raped by her ex-husband. We all lived in fear and it's normal for me to fear the worst.

The issue I'm having is sex with my boyfriend Sorry if this is TMI, but I've never been able to orgasm. I've tried on my own, but it doesn't work either. I also find myself feeling super emotional during sex. I never used to though. I've sort of half cried a few times Luckily it was pitch black, so he doesn't know. Just so you know, we've always had consensual sex, 100% of the time. I've even initiated sex and ended up shedding a tear or two by the end.

I love my boyfriend dearly! He's my best-friend and my rock! Things outside of our relationship have been very rocky for my. I just can't seem to focus when having sex. My mind seems to go everywhere but the bedroom! I also do this when I try to sleep. I just wish I knew how to shut off my brain. He's even seemed a little off in the bedroom recently too, so I think he notices that I'm not enjoying myself much anymore. And because he's a little off, it's making things worse.

Besides tips for shutting off my brain, I need tips on how to talk to my boyfriend. I can't leave him in the dark, but I also don't want to upset him. I'm his first priority and he'd do anything if it made me happy. I just need to tell him whats been going on. How do I tell him? I'm going to finally confront something and fix it and I've never been more scared! Please help! Thanks in advance!

Posts: 1 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Lilypad,

I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is understanding and eager to take care of you.

You mention that you were depressed, and that you are currently coping with anxiety. And that things outside of your relationship are rocky. Are you seeing someone, like a counselor, who can help you manage those stressors?

I am going to give you a few articles that might help you talk with your boyfriend about what is bothering you, and one that might help you on the orgasm question.

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

I also want to say that it's ok to take sex, or certain sex acts, off the table for a while. It might be good to give yourself (and him) a chance to readjust and sort through your emotions.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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