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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Getting Over a Break-Up

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Author Topic: Getting Over a Break-Up
Member # 75601

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Hey guys. I just wanted to say thank you for all of the advice I got on my relationship with Austin. It helped a lot, and it helped me come clean about my feelings.

I ended up asking Austin directly if this was working. He said he wasn't sure. We broke up a couple of days ago because I couldn't handle the fact that his feelings for me had clearly fizzled out.

Now I don't know exactly what to do in order to deal with this break-up properly. Sometimes I feel fine with the decision. I know it was the right one because I was looking for a love deeper than what he felt for me. But sometimes, the decision really hurts me, and it pains me to wonder why we couldn't have worked, why he continued to date me when his feelings were fading, why all of this happened in the first place, etc.

Anybody have some good advice on how to heal from a break-up as quickly as possible? I've already taken some steps. I hid him from my newsfeed on Facebook. I deleted all text messages, phone messages, Facebook messages, and Skype messages. I erased all pictures and videos of us from my phone. I have distanced myself from him physically and have not spoken to him at all since the break up. What else can I do to deal with this?

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 101745

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Hi pocket mouse,

I'm sorry that y'all broke up, but it really does sound like there was a disconnect between what the two of you wanted. I'm glad you were able to have that conversation with him and get things sorted, even if the outcome wasn't what you were hoping for.

I think this article is a fantastic place to start: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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I had another thought as well: those "why did things happen this way" questions can be really seductive, but I honestly don't think there's a way you can ever know why another person made the choices they made, and even if you could find out the answers, I don't think they wind up being that useful in the long run.

One big piece of advice I have is to try to be patient and gentle with yourself - I can totally understand the desire to get over the breakup as quickly as possible, but it's hard to know how long that'll take. I think it's always good to be extra compassionate with yourself, even if you feel frustrated that "getting over it," however you define that, isn't happening when you want it to.

Have you ever read Captain Awkward's advice site? She has a column about closure that you might find helpful.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 107386

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Hiya pocket mouse, pyro here.

I actually had a pretty bad break up around the start of summer this year and I can give you a few tips that helped me.

FIRSTLY: Try to keep romantically uninvolved for a while, I know it hurts being alone, but I guarantee that if you jump into another relationship it will suck.

Secondly, take some you time, take a break. Go hang out with friends, play video games, play music, whatever makes you feel good (no pun intended)

Thirdly, I recommend getting rid of any small things he gave you, or just get rid of anything of his in your possession, bracelets, a necklace he bought you, ECT. I had this old bracelet my ex gave me lying around and I wore it often and felt miserable. But the moment I closed the trash can lid on was like some-one took a 1000lb weight off my chest.

Finally, try to figure out what you learned from this relationship. There are positive and negative sides to everything,and break ups are no exception. It may be painful, but you might have learned something, like something to do or not do, something about yourself, something about guys even.

Hope that this helps!


Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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