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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Long distance relationship, boyfriend wants to do internship. Trying to be supportive

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Author Topic: Long distance relationship, boyfriend wants to do internship. Trying to be supportive
dazed90
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Member # 96029

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So I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend wants to do an internship during the summer which means that he won't be home when I get back. He's supposed to graduate December 2014 or May 2015 (depending on whether he does an internship during the semester or not). He's already done one and he's required to do another one for graduation. He has the option to do it during the semester but even if he does one during the spring, he insists that he wants to do one in the summer. This'll mean that we'll be apart for almost two years and I'll only see him for about a month in total (cause I'd only see him during the two weeks I go home for winter break and in two years you have two winters.. he also visits me at least two weekends a semester which is why I say why in total I only get to see him for a month in two years). I'm really trying to be supportive, but it's really hard, and I don't think that I can handle the pain of being apart for so long. We've been together for a year and it's been great so far. I'm completely serious about this relationship and I want it to work, but I don't think that I'll be able to endure all that time apart from him without having some sort of a nervous breakdown. I really don't want him to go, but I'm not going to tell him that cause I don't want him to think I'm unsupportive. I really wish I could be, but a long-distance relationship is already rough as it is, and two years is a really long time.

Would it be wrong for me to tell him I don't want him to go? Am I wrong for not wanting him to go? Am I being selfish? or am I being perfectly rational here?

Posts: 13 | From: Puerto Rico | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Dazed90,

What your boyfriend does is ultimately up to him. Given that, it is not at all unreasonable for you to tell him the things you've told us here. After all, he may be feeling like the relationship can withstand all of that separation. You're feeling differently though, which is totally okay.

So, what do you think of letting your boyfriend know that you support his decisions no matter what, but that, for you, all that separation would be a giant strain on your emotions and on the relationship?

He still gets to make the decisions he feels like he needs to make for himself, which also means that, considering what you've said here, you may have to decide whether that amount of contact is enough for you to sustain the relationship.

Do you what to talk more about what this extended separation would mean for you and about the possibilities of ending the relationship or switching to just being friends?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dazed90
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Breaking up is absolutely out of the question. We're legitimately in love and we actually have plans of getting married in the future. I had a talk with him last night and he's already applied for the internships and he's waiting for them to respond. I told him all of this and he got really upset about it, although he understood where I was coming from. He's now applying for internships during the semester and he's even applied for some that are in the city I'm currently living in, which would help a lot with the situation if he gets them. Also, he knows that if he leaves during the summer, when I go home, I'm going to have to be alone and I'll have to find a job or something since all my friends have confirmed to me that they won't be returning home for the summer since they're either studying abroad or taking summer classes in their respective colleges. I mean, if he gets to come to my city during the semester, that'd be totally great, but if he goes and does another internship during the summer, then it'd be really hard for me going home and not having him or anyone else around. For now, I'm just going to wait and see what happens, cause there's really nothing I can do at this point. Thank you, Robin Lee, for confirming to me that I wasn't wrong for feeling this way, cause I was starting to feel like I was being a bad girlfriend because of the whole situation.
Posts: 13 | From: Puerto Rico | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dazed90
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Also, I told him the thing about me supporting his decisions and it causing strain on my emotions and the relationship, and he just said that if he actually left and I really couldn't hold on during that time, I could break up with him if I had to, but I don't want to do that, and he doesn't want me to either.

What do you mean with talking more about what the extended separation would mean for me?

Posts: 13 | From: Puerto Rico | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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