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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How To Talk To A Guy?

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Author Topic: How To Talk To A Guy?
Imperfect_Innocence
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Member # 108093

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So, there's a guy I like, we'll call him S. S and I are like, acquaintances, we were in the same math class last year and have Latin together this year (except we sit on opposite ends of the room!). We didn't talk a whole lot last year because I'd always get nervous and turn into a bit of a jerk. But at the end of the year (like, last three days of the year!) we actually had some real conversations. But I can't figure out how to talk to him, especially since it's hard to just walk up to him, when he's on the other side of the room every time I see him. So, two branches of how this could go.
1: I'm not allowed to date, but will be next year. I don't know if he's allowed to date, as of last year he wasn't. How do I ask if he can without not letting him know I'm really interested yet? Don't want to get his hopes up yet!
2: Either way, I want to be friends with him, but, like I said, I'm having trouble initiating conversation. How do I become friends with him? [Confused]

Posts: 9 | From: Narnia | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Imperfect_Innocence,

Well, to me it makes sense to become friends with him first, especially since you're not allowed to date right now. Getting to be friends with him has the benefit of letting you learn more about him and seeing if you're still attracted to and interested in him. [Smile]

It's often easiest to start a conversation out o the blue with someone about something the two of you have in common. You could always ask him what he thinks of a certain assignment in class, or about something else related to what is going on in school. Alternatively, if you already know that you and he share any common interests, you could use that to start a conversation.

I get that it also feels awkward since you'd have to physically go out of your way to talk to him. If you want to talk to him, though, getting up your courage and walking (quite literally) through those awkward feelings may be what you need to do. What do you think?

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Robin

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Imperfect_Innocence
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Member # 108093

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I am what one would consider "ballsy" and usually would have no problem talking to S, or a guy like him. But there's just something about the idea of walking across the room to make small talk that he may not even respond to is...scary. [Eek!] I don't want to screw things up with him...
Posts: 9 | From: Narnia | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey,

I think sometimes when those are the options, it can be helpful just to do it anyway... if there's not un-awkward option, we kinda have to choose the awkward one. And that bit would be up to you...

On the other hand, do you guys have zero mutual friends or opportunities to meet outside of class? Or even connect online? I can't help but think there's must be some other chance or other?

But if not, I'm afraid your only option seems to be to up the 'ballsy' factor up a couple more notches and risk a bit of awkwardness to invite this person to hang out with you somewhere and then maybe when that happens you can be clearer that for now you just want to be friends. They might be disappointed, but I would hope they'd handle it.

It's no magic bullet, but does that help?

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Imperfect_Innocence
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Unfortunately, the only mutual friends we have I'm not that close with, and he doesn't have a Facebook (which is the only social networking I use). Asking him to hang out is something I'd be okay doing, except my mother doesn't really like me hanging out with guys unless I've known them for a looong time, like my best friend who I have known for years. How could I convince her that I just want to be friends with him?
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Patricia H
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Would your mother be ok with you going out with a group of friends? It could be for a carnival, a movie, or even a dinner together, to which you can invite him to come along; that way, you have time to be with him as well as see what he's like in the presence of others. Plus it would be a good idea to have your friends there with you, too, so you can get feedback from them afterwards on things they saw but maybe you couldn't see about him. Sounds like a win-win situation, doesn't it?

You can try to convince your mother that you want to be friends with him, but it also really depends on if he wants to be friends with you; no sense announcing this whole friendship business if it turns out that he's not even interested in you to begin with. I'm definite a proponent for "wait & see."

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

Posts: 231 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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