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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I overreacting?

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Author Topic: Am I overreacting?
belladonna
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Member # 35546

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I am typing this as I wait for my boyfriend to come home from a party that we both attended. I am still recovering from a cough though, so I didn't stay for long.

This past week it struck my that my boyfriend doesn't seem to remember me / be considerate of me in certain situations. For instance tonight he was supposed to help me with something quite important and promised to do so after the party. The thing he has to help me with is time sensitive and he knows that. And yet.... He seems to have forgotten. This is just one thing in a pattern that has emerged lately and I've been feeling neglected. We've talked about it and he says he will try to be more mindful but I am starting to think he is just wired differently than I am. I don't know if I want to be with someone who doesn't consider my feelings even if the matters seem trivial. I live him,but... What should I do? Am I overreacting?

Posts: 130 | From: hong kong | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Are there situations where you DO feel care for and considered? Conversely, are there situations in his own life where he blows stuff off or leaves it to the last minute?

Obviously, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who remembers things that are important to you and keeps their word. However, in deciding how to deal with this, it might be helpful to suss out whether this is about him not caring, specifically, or about him generally being a more lax person.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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belladonna
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Thanks for the response, September. I guess he is a more lax person in a lot of ways, he procrastinates a lot. I don't think it's very good for him to keep up some of those habits though because they interfere with his career advancement as well, not just things that have to do with our relationship
Posts: 130 | From: hong kong | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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You still get to decide, for yourself, that this is a dealbreaker for you and that these are character traits that don't work for you in a partner. If that is how you feel, that is completely okay! But it may also mean that you'll have to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you.

Either way, it sounds like you'd benefit both from thinking about this some more, as well as from talking to your partner about your concerns. You can't change how he approaches his own life, but maybe you can find some compromises for how you deal with this as it affects the relationship.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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