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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » emotional wreck

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Author Topic: emotional wreck
Member # 108472

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My best friend (for 5 years) turned on again off again boyfriend for 4 years broke up with me about 3 months ago and i cant see to "move on". He told me that the main reason for breaking up was he wasnt happy anymore due to our constant fighting and he wants to grow figuratively. after about 2 weeks post break up he told me that he likes someone else already, probably a crush because she is everything he couldve asked for. But the problem is that i still love him, very very much and i just cant get over him. It's 3 months already and they look like that they're very much in love with each other. and it hurts to see them together (since we are in the same class). They are just too sweet that it hurts me because they're not even discrete about it [Frown]

The girl is amazing. She could probably be "the one" for him, but i dont want to sould that selfish but i dont want them together. Her friends are constantly picking on me, without her knowledge. i really want him back [Frown] he means everything to me since he's my best friend. now we cant even talk, we cant even say hi to each other. is there anyway i can win him back again? [Frown]

it's emotionally wrecking being:
1. not able to move on
2. seeing them happy together
3. my ex flirting with another girl 2 weeks post break up
4. the girl was someone who i trusted but barely knew (i talked to her about "me and my ex")
5. her friends are constantly picking on me
6. he's not my best friend anymore not even close to friends
7. i miss him and i think about him everyday.
8. me getting reminded of his promises
9. everybody thinks im stupid to hold on
10. him being emotionally abusive at the time of break up
11. No one is there for me

cause if i cant get him back, i actually kind of want to make him suffer for all those emotional abuses he has done to me, or at least make the new girl know that since both of them are blinded

~~~~ ill appreciate comments and suggestions to my thread (even from neophytes and such)~~~~

[ 09-14-2013, 02:40 AM: Message edited by: Amaze ]

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Amaze and welcome to Scarleteen,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're hurting so much. There's a lot here and I might not get to it all in one post. [Smile]

I wonder if you've seen this article we have on our site about how to survive a break-up? If not, I think you might find it helpful.

You know, it really isn't possible to "win" someone back after they've broken up with us, regardless of their reasons for doing so. I know his reasons really are hurtful to you, but he is allowed to have his reasons. Trying to win someone back is pretty much like trying to manipulate them, which isn't good at all--which is actually abusive. See what I mean?

So, I wonder if, instead of thinking about how you can win this guy back, or how you can get back at him and his current love interest, you can spend some time thinking about how to take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

Five years is a long tie to be friends and partners with someone, and losing both that friendship and that relationship at the same time really does suck. What sorts of things have you been doing (if any) to be good to yourself?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108472

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ive been going out with my friends lately, doing no contact to ease the pain, going to church and listening to music, doing things that makes me happy.

I have read the link that you posted prior to posting this thread, it's just so hard for me to see them together since i felt cheated. and all in my mind i keep saying " if i cant get him back at least make him realize that what he did to me was emotionally wrecking or make him suffer that he doesnt have me anymore"

cause i really despised the girl after her friends talk about me behind my back.

I want to know if there is any way through male psychology or what to make him like me again, or at least regret what he did [Frown] He really is the one for me [Frown] and my best friend

[ 09-14-2013, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Amaze ]

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Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

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Hi Amaze!

As Robin says, it's sad to hear how much you're hurting. Especially when it's coming out as anger, as it is for you.

I feel like it might be useful for you to find ways to deal with that pain for what it is... a very difficult emotion caused by a situation, but not a thing which someone did to you. Your ex can't have helped how he would feel, you couldn't have helped being in this class and this persons friends are themselves responsible for how they're behaving. Not him, and not her. So it's a pain that doesn't necessarily 'mean' anything other than that this situation makes you feel this way. Anger can help you feel like it has a more immediate purpose, but it can also lead to hurting someone, and even allowing your pain to continue.

I think what you've been doing already is a really good start and I'm thinking that you could do even more stuff that really puts you in the centre of the time you're spending. I don't know if you draw, or paint, sing or write but I found that especially good.

You can write down anything you're feeling as a way to think through situations. Or do angry/sad/hopeful paintings... but whatever it is, it's about you, and you looking back and working on your own emotions. Because from now on it can't be tied up with who he's with, or what he's doing. Happiness is something you will need to give to yourself, when you're ready of course.

Another thought is that it could also be useful to be a lot more careful about calling someone 'the one'. In all honesty I don't think anybody automatically has a 'one', rather a relationship is something people have to work on together, whether or not they can do that can depend on timing, sexuality, beliefs and all those things, all of which change, rather than people effortlessly being 'perfect for each other'.

However, even more importantly, saying someone is'the one' can be a way of holding onto our fears, because we may not be ready to move on, or we may be scared. Saying someone is 'the one' for another person, or for you is a way of making things sound permanent and as if there is a right way that everything should be. The truth is we build our relationships ourselves, and we build our emotional space from scratch, and the good thing about that is that, although it's scary, you can move forward. It just takes time.

You have a right not to be bullied by this person's friends so I would find out if there is some help you can get with that, but otherwise this is a thing that you will get through, and with time I think it's almost inevitable that you'll start to feel better, but the more you look after yourself the easier you'll make that process.

[ 09-14-2013, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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