For the past several months, I've talked to my boyfriend about getting off the pill. Each time he has talked me into staying on them. Last week when I was supposed to start my new pack, I texted him and told him I'm not doing it anymore. We had this huge fight over text for 9 hrs since he was at work then one over phone for 2 hrs and Skype for another 2 hrs.
He wanted to know the specific reason why I wanted to get off of them. I didn't want to tell him and he wouldn't accept that I was just tired of taking them which is also one of my reasons. Eventually I did tell him but we still are at a stalemate.
He likes that when I'm on the pill, there is a closeness since condoms aren't used because he associates condoms to having sex with someone he doesn't know very well compared to use being together for a year and a half. He likes that there is a slighter higher protection with the pill against pregnancy than with condoms. He likes that there can be spontaneousness since there is protection from the pill against pregnancy.
He says I'm being selfish for making this decision since it involves both of us. He doesn't think I took his opinion in making this decision. I did take his opinions and eventhough I agree with him on that, I told him I have to do what's better for me.
Since I've been off the pill, I feel happier and have more energy among other things. I told him eventually I will get back on it but not to expect it anytime soon.
There is still resentment from him that I'm off the pill. I don't know how to make him understand that it's better for me to be off based on the reasons I gave him. Each time this topic is brought up we both end up angry at each other.
I'm sorry to hear that this is causing so much conflict between you and your boyfriend.
I really have to disagree with him saying this is a selfish decision because it involves both of you. Sure, the types of birth control in play in your relationship do involve both of you, but taking birth control pills has a direct impact on your body, not his. So it's really up to you to do what works best for you here. It's your choice to take the pill or not, just like it's his choice to use condoms or not, but it's possible that the choices that you each feel most comfortable with for yourselves might not be compatible right now.
If he doesn't feel comfortable using just condoms, and if you no longer want to be on the pill, then that might mean it's not going to be the right time for the two of you to be having the kind of sex that carries a pregnancy risk. It's his right to say "I don't want to use a condom" but that might mean that intercourse is off the table for now, since you've stopped taking the pill.
I'm not certain exactly why you were ready to stop taking the pill; are you interested in learning about other types of birth control that you might be happier with?
Also, just to throw this out there - it sounds like your boyfriend has a pretty unrealistic view of who uses condoms, and for what reasons. Plenty of people in long-term relationships use them; they really aren't just for people having casual sex or sex with brand new partners. And condom use doesn't have to break spontaneity; if you get in the habit of having condoms and lube around, it really doesn't take long to slip one on and get back to it.
I'm not really sure how you can make him understand that it's your choice to be on the pill or not - the simple fact is that it's not up to him to decide this. And if he's this angry about a decision you're making, about your own health and what you put in your body, then I have to admit that it makes me wonder how respectful he is in general. Other than this issue, how are things feeling in the relationship?
Posts: 912 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013
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