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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dont know whats going on in my head right now - love/hate?

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Author Topic: dont know whats going on in my head right now - love/hate?
Member # 99322

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Hi just looking for some friendly advice. No matter how much i try I can't figure out what is going on in my head!

Been with boyfriend for 5 years, 4 have been long distance. Some people freak out when I say that but because it has been so long I'm very used to it and enjoy having my own time.

However I really get my hopes up for the times I'm going to see him, get excited and then feel let down when I do.

I love him very much but it's almost as if I can't stand him when I'm around him (like get very annoyed with him) but miss him immensely when I'm away.

Going through my head I feel it can be a number of things, like I don't feel he appreciates me anymore and takes me for granted but I feel breaking up with him would open his eyes to that but I don't want to break up.

Or it's this relationship OCD I keep hearing about where I'm putting too much pressure on it.

Or it's the length of time we have been together and he is extremely comfortable but I keep thinking 'is this it?? I'm only 25!'

Or it's the fact he has moved 4 times and doesn't know what he wants to do. Whereas I have a nice job, lots of socialising etc quite settled for now.

Anyone shed some light on my craziness? Much appreciated!

Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108166

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Hi, I think maybe you could talk to him about the feeling like he doesn't appreciate you anymore and tell him why your feeling that way and maybe hell change so you feel more appreciated.

Maybe as you've been together 5years your relationship may need spicing up a little to make it more fun? I wouldn't put to much pressure on the relationship that's never a good idea, maybe you should try spending more time together?

If you feel unhappy and that you really don't want to be in the relationship anymore then of course leave but if your not sure and you do love and want to be with him the only advice I can give to to try keep at it and try a few different things to make your relationship better for the both if you, communication is key always let him know how or feeling whether its good or bad. If you get annoyed with him their must be a reason is it something he's doing to annoy you? If so let him know tht it's buggin you instead of keeping it inside.

I wish you all the best, sorry your feeling and thinking the way you do

I hope this helped a little [Smile]

Posts: 83 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 99322

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Thanks so much for your reply. I don't think he is intentionally annoying me. But one of the main things is when we are together there isn't very much conversation and that gets me down? that's a bad sign isn't it... [Frown]
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Hi kellybleedinghearts,

I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted about your relationship right now.

Having tough conversations about the state of your relationship can be a challenge, I know, but I really think it's better to stand up and initiate those conversations than to just let upset/unappreciated feelings fester. Since you've been dating for a few years, I wonder how often, if at all, you've taken the time to sit down and check in with each other about how the relationship is working for both of you, what you'd like more or less of, how you can support each other (especially long-distance, as that sort of relationship has its own challenges), etc.

One thing I want to highlight, in what you said, is that you don't feel like your boyfriend is being appreciative of you right now. Do you have a sense of what he could do that would make you feel more loved and appreciated? That's a decent place to start, if you want to talk some of this over with him. It can be easy, in long-term relationships, to settle into patterns that worked at some point but don't over time, or to take for granted that a partner knows how you're feeling.

It's also the case that sometimes, partners just grow apart and a relationship that felt good at one point no longer works for one or both people. And that's ok! It doesn't have to take a huge crisis for people to feel the need to break up. Maybe a good first step, here, is identifying some specific things about the relationship as it stands that aren't feeling great to you right now, and talk to your boyfriend about them, giving him space to talk about how he's feeling about the relationship too. How well that discussion goes may give you some ideas of how to proceed.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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