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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Former coworker crush

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Author Topic: Former coworker crush
ladronas
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I started work as a waitress 2 months ago, and the first day I was trained by a boy my age who I was almost immediately attracted to. He kept touching my waist/the small of my back to step aside me. He'd also wink at me that day, and when I stopped by another day to eat with family. Whenever he said "hi" he'd say my name. On the first day he told me a lot about himself without my asking (his philosophy re: work/life/money) which I thought might be his way of trying to impress me...He showed me how to work the cappuccino machine with his hands over mine, and took little serving spoons of ice cream for me to try. After a downpour he was setting up tables on the restaurant patio. I offered to help and he said "No, no, you'll get wet." (I helped anyway). He left soon after for a two-month trip to his home country. My coworkers say he's a real gentleman, and he's also from Latin America where I think people tend to be much more expressive through touch. So I basically couldn't tell if he any interest in me or was simply a nice guy. I know he likes to drink and party - he asked me if I do either on separate occasions.

I figured from his Facebook profile that he'd been dating a girl for over 4 years (who lives in his home country), but a co-worker mentioned yesterday that he was going on a date after work. I'm guessing he's not cheating and is now single.. I'd like to find out, but I think my co-workers are closer to him and I'd rather him not find out how I feel through others.

I was fired around the same time he returned. I friended him on Facebook and said this a couple days later: "hey! i think i saw you at [*restaurant we worked at] while i was downtown last week. you were the sweetest coworker! i was hoping we'd work together again, but i guess i was fired at the same time that you returned ([*Name of our manager*] and i didn't get along so well...)

how was your trip home?"

He responded minutes later:
"Funny, we were just talking about you. How you doing? What's new? Found a new job already?"

I said...
"good talk? [Smile] haha i'm good! since i'm going back to school soon i decided to take the last weeks off and just hang out with friends. what's new with you?"

Four days later, I was annoyed/sad/disappointed he hadn't replied, and I messaged him again:
"are you working this weekend?"

(I asked because I was planning to stop by the restaurant to talk to my former manager about a recommendation letter).

He's been clearly active on FB but hasn't even opened my most recent message.

I'm not sure how coherent this all is. Bottom line - I'm into this guy, I THINK he's single, and am not sure how to proceed. I have no intimate or dating experience. Should I take his ignoring of my message as a sign that he's not interested?

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Robin Lee
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Hi Ladronas and welcome to Scarleteen,

It's impossible for any of us to say how another person feels or why they do what they do. So, we really can't tell you what this guy is thinking or how he feels about you.

Let's take a step backwards. If you were just trying to become friends with him, what would you think if he didn't respond to your facebook messages?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ladronas
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I guess I might think that he wasn't interested in being friends.
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ladronas
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Also- Hi, Robin, and thank you!

Do you think I should let him know how I feel?

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Robin Lee
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Hi, and you're welcome. [Smile]

So, if those actions would lead you to think that he might not be interested in being friends, what would your course of action be then?

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Robin

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ladronas
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I would try to forget about them!

I just don't understand why he's not interested. I think I'm pretty, and I think he was flirting with me. Should I not have messaged him again? Was my response wrong?

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Molias
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I think this is one of those instances where there's just no real way to know what this guy's intentions were.

Some people enjoy flirting with people without necessarily being interested in anything beyond that. It's also possible that your co-workers weren't up-to-date on his personal life and he's involved with someone right not.
There are a lot of possibilities here, and many (possibly most) of them don't necessarily reflect on you specifically or how you approached him. You don't know him that well yet and don't really know what his situation is at the moment.

I think directly asking him out on a date wouldn't be out of line, if you want to do it, although it doesn't sound like he's been really talkative. But if you want to do that, being direct is probably a good idea, and I think silence in that case would be a pretty clear "no" even if he doesn't say it.

As to why someone would or wouldn't be interested in someone else... attraction is incredibly complicated. It's not just about physical attraction, but about all sorts of things about a person. And plenty of people can objectively say "this person I just met is attractive, kind, and seems great!" but may not want to date them.

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ladronas
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Thank you for your logical and reasonable answers. It always seems hard to be either of those things when I'm IN the situation.

He replied today to my question: "are you working this weekend"...it was 3 days late, but he might have been unsure about his schedule (giving him the benefit of the doubt?). He replied "Yeah...actually working tonight and tomorrow morning".

Is it too hopeful to think that if he were uninterested, he simply would've said "Yeah"? He didn't have to tell me which shifts...I'm not sure if he remembers, but I live within walking distance of the restaurant.

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ladronas
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I realize I could totally ask him to go out after his shift tomorrow, but I'm too nervous to do so without receiving more positive signals from him...Plus, I've never been on a date.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Ultimately, you need to do what you're comfortable with.

Remember too that this doesn't have to be a date as such, but just two people who haven't seen each other in a while getting together to catch up.

There's no way to predict how anyone will respond to anyone else, so ultimately, again, you can only do what feels right to you and know that you could get any sort of response from him.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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