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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend lies ( need opinions )

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Author Topic: Boyfriend lies ( need opinions )
Lola2010
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Basically our relationship probably isn't great to start if with lately, I've not been wanted to do stuff sexual as I've built a huge anxiety up of getting pregnant, and it's scared me big am to do these things you've got to trust your other partner. But he tells me on thing then does another and it really bugs me I confronted him about this today and he didnt say much.

Is it unhealthy to be in a relationship like this, I just don't feel okay about doing te sexual stuff we used to do anymore and I know that's what he wants but I refuse to do something I ain't happy with.

What do I do from here :/?

Posts: 44 | From: Scotland | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Patricia H
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Well, it certainly appears from the sound of it that you're more or less off to a good start: you've identified that you're not happy in your relationship, and that you're not ready to, or currently do not want to, pursue sexual activities with your partner due to personal issues, i.e. pregnancy fears.

I wouldn't necessarily say that it's unhealthy for you to stay in your current relationship, just because there is a lot of information and details I don't know about, and also because there's a lot you could learn from in an unhealthy relationship that will help you better understand what you are looking for so that your next relationship in the future won't end up repeating the same mistakes, if you will; and even so, the ultimate decision should lie upon you. What I can do is point you to links on our site that can help you to better assess how you are doing as an individual, as well as the state of your relationship, and whether or not that is something you want to keep developing with your partner.

So let's start with that.

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Sorting Maybe From Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

Does Your Relationship Need A Checkup?

So take a look at these and see if they don't start turning a few gears in your noggin in terms of assessing your self and perhaps even insert a few choice ideas as to how you might want to try communicating where you're at with your partner. And then if you still have any more questions, or if I happened to leave something unanswered, you can reply in the next post to us, and we'll get right back to you. [Smile]

Thanks for visiting us!

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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Lola2010
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Sorry I'm reading through the articles litrally I told my boyfriend I wanna hold back on doing stuff, and the reply I got was ' I don't think I can wait any longer '

Is it just me or does it seem like that's all he's interested in :/ I really believe he was different I desperately want to make the relationship to work it seems all he wants to work with is that and it's really getting to me :/

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Robin Lee
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Hi Lola,

It's impossible for us to say whether your boyfriend is only interested in sex.

What does seem pretty clear though is that the two of you are in different places with what you want and need sexually.

In a sexual relationship, the person who doesn't want to do something gets to make that call.

If your boyfriend is saying that he doesn't think he can wait, and you are needing to wait, then what happens is that the two of you wait. If your boyfriend isn't willing to do that, it may very well be that this relationship is not going to work as a sexual and romantic relationship.

What do you want to do from here?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lola2010
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It's not that I don't want to in that sense I just over think and worry litrally every situation, I'm not on any form of birth control and I don't know the actual risk of pregnancy and it freaks me out. Since I've been worried about becoming pregnant I feel as though I've build up a big anxiety, and inside even when I know their no risk of pregnancy I still get freaked out?

I don't know how to deal with the anxiety of me fearing of being pregnancy other than using birth control. Or not doing things fills stop which is not what I want. I think what makes it worst of me is as I'm only 17 and sexual active I don't want to be a teen mum my parents are always going on saying dont be stupid, and it makes it even worse as I don't feel then I can talk to them about birth control.

I've spoken to my boyfriend since last night we met up today and had a really good talk about everything, and it's really helped are relationship alot as instead of arguing we actually listen to one another and actually know how each other feel.

The next step for me is sortin out my anxiety/fear of being pregnant, and birth control.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Lola,

Jumping between two of your threads here, but it sounds to me like you can do both... i.e. hold back from the sex that you don't feel ready for & also start to do things that you want to do, and which will also make you feel more secure about the sex that you seem to want to have eventually.

So that could be birth control, reading up about safe sex and things like that. In fact it's really cool and responsible that you want to know all that stuff and aren't just relying on hunches.

But at the same time anxiety is a plenty good and legitimate reason to not do something.

If you feel more ready and less anxious after doing those things then that's great, but you can get to do that at your own pace. I'd hope your boyfriend would respect that. Do you think that's something he can do for you?

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Lola2010
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Yeah he definitely would, as I said we have a really long talk today and he said he was out of alder for saying what he did and he didnt mean it in that way and that he would wait I I didn't want to do things.

It does help me by knowing if I used two forms of birth control (providing they were used correctly ) is 99.9 percent effective. I've been sexually active with him before have been for a year or two. But it's just of late anxiety just got to me, I blame that to to much reasearching on the Internet on unrealaible sites, and then you start to believe the stuff their saying and I scared myself.

My plans are for now to hold of for a little while which me and my boyfriend discussed today, to then then reasearch on realiable sites like this one and maybe go to my gp and talk to them about all the different methods and how effectiventheybare and find out which one would be best for me.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Your boyfriend's reaction is really good to hear! And checking on our articles etc is a great idea too. Avoiding Dr. Google is advice we give all the time. It sounds like you'll get through this, especially with the articles Robin is sharing with you.
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Robin Lee
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I'm also really glad to hear you and your boyfriend are talking openly about this. That's fantastic! [Smile]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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