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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Girlfriends worries! Help!

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Author Topic: Girlfriends worries! Help!
Member # 107860

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Hey everyone.
Ive been an admirer of this page for a long time, this is me just plucking up the courage to finally make an account. Please be gentle [Smile]
This post may end up being pretty long, so I apoligise in advance and Im grateful for any advice given [Smile]
I have been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams for around 6 months now. Our relationship is extremely open - we are always honest with one another and we have no secrets from one another. We have been through several failed and at times volatile relationships before this one, so we both came with a lot of baggage. Although, its because of these past relationships that we are on the same page emotionally. We want the same things in life; we have similar ambitions and goals. We both fell for each other really quickly, and we both love each other. I have never felt this happy or secure in my life. Neither of us have. Both of us are certain that this is it for us.
Theres always a catch though.
She worries about everything. I dont mean just worrying like most people do. She worries to the point it actually causes her to be ill. Its horrible to watch someone you care about literally tear themselves apart through worry. She has her good days and bad days. Lately she has been really erratic, and its actually quite scary to see. Nothing I say seems to help her. I try my best to reassure her (a lot of her worries are about us). Im always there for her when she needs me, night or day. I try to be the best I can be for her. It just doesnt seem to be working.
Right now she is worrying about whether or not she is enough for me. She is scared Ill not be satisfied with her or Ill leave her for someone else. Her self esteem and confidence is at all time low, because I know she trusts me, and would never normally question anything. To me its seems like shes questioning my feelings for her. Its heartbreaking, because I know how I feel about her, and I tell her exactly how I feel, but she keeps pushing me away.
Her latest worry (which is the worst ive ever seen her) is about a topic I brought up at the beginning of our relationship. About 2 months before I met her, I had a one night stand which resulted in me getting the HPV virus, which only began to manifest a week before I met her. I obviously had to tell her about it. She was fine with it and accepted it and we forgot all about it. A couple of days ago the topic came up again. This time she started worrying I would look elsewhere, that I was checking out girls, that I didnt want her anymore. She gets extremely irrational and she is impossible to talk to when she is like this. 98% of the time she is not like this. its like she is a different person. Me and her best friend were talking today and we both agree that her worries (which are extremely irrational, not just about me or us) are tearing her apart and that she should maybe seek help from a professional. Both of us would be there for her throughout. I dont plan on going anywhere, I just want to help her.
I just have no idea where to go from here. Right now she wont listen to reason and keeps asking if I really want to be with her. I have to keep reassuring her, which does not bother me, but its the fact its not seeming to work. Shes really the most amazing, sweet girl I have ever met. I just cant watch her do this to herself.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi AutumnFalls,

This does sound tough!

It sounds like this worrying is not about you, or about anything else, but more about your girlfriend's thoughts spinning too fast and getting away from her.

This is something you can support her with, sure, but it's not something you can ultimately help her get control of.

When someone is experiencing that level of worry and anxiety, to the point where it's affecting their behavior and the people around them, the best person to help them is a healthcare or mental healthcare provider.

You also get to set limits and boundaries on how much the worrying impacts you. For example, you don't *have* to keep reassuring your girlfriend. you are allowed to remind her that you've told her these things so many times in the last hour (or two hours, or day, or however frequently she asks for reassurance), that you love her very much, and that you need a break from talking about this.

In other words, her behavior doesn't have to dictate everything you do or say.

how are you doing with all of this? Aside from feeling worried about her, how are you feeling?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 107860

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Thanks for the reply Robin Lee [Smile] it helped a lot.

It's extremely difficult at times. Like I said she has her good days and bad days. It's not scaring me away or making me question the relationship, but it can be pretty tiring. It's just making me concerned about her, she just seems really down right now.

I understand that I can't help with her actual worrying issues, but Im there for her and I support her.

I just don't know where to go from here. I feel like I should suggest to her about getting help. I just don't know what to say or do.

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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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How about, "It's really been sounding to me like you could use some qualified help with your fears and worries?"

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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