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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I miss my ex. Can I get a second chance?

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Author Topic: I miss my ex. Can I get a second chance?
henrysickle
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Member # 95804

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I've made a few threads regarding my ex, but I'm struggling at the moment. I'm genuinely missing her and regretting all the crap that happened between us, and need some advice. Is is possible I could ever get her back/fix all the crap that happened? Is it pointless trying and I should just leave it forever?

Anyway, here's the situation.

Ex girlfriend is a Christian, never had any kind of sexual intimacy. We start going out, and she wants to do everything with me, but sex. Month and a half into the relationship, she tells me she loves me. I'm not ready to say it back. She ends it. We keep in touch, she goes on two dates - with two different guys - and I realise what she means to me. Try everything to get her back, probably overboard. She rejects me, but then a few days later says she misses me and loves me and misses what we've 'done'. So we do stuff again, and the next day she wants to sleep with me. I'm hesitant because I don't want her doing something she'll regret. She then calls me and ends it again before anything happens.

She then starts dating her best guy friend. Drama arises and we fall out, she resents me. She then asks to be friends, which I agree to and she starts a relationship with a new guy. Drama arises there and she comes to me for help. I get overly involved and I push her away. I ask to be friends again and forget everything, but she says it's pathetic me trying so hard, so we stop contact, last time I spoke to her she was going abroad to work for a couple of months. According to a friend, her and her boyfriend of two months have split up. I text a few days ago asking how things were going, and first of all she asked who it was - she got a new phone, and I changed numbers - then she told me her trip had cut short and she didn't want to talk about it. I replied saying I wasn't going to ask, and she just replied with 'okay'.

3 or so days later I had a bit too much to drink, and I replied to her 'okay', saying hope she's having a good summer. Didn't get a reply.

Now, for some reason I'm really missing her. I keep thinking back to the mistakes we both made and want to fix it all. I wanna get to a point where me and her are talking and we can both put the past in the past.

Any ideas?

[ 08-11-2013, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: henrysickle ]

Posts: 14 | From: UK | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CSandSourpatch
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Member # 95598

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Having gone through a break up with someone who sounds about as unstable as your ex does (breaking up with you every time she didn't get her way just isn't a healthy way to handle a relationship), it took me a while to realize that what I was missing was not the person, but the companionship. If you did have good times with this person, of course it makes sense that you would want to experience that again, and even more so when you're wondering why she's treating you like this in the first place.

In your case, you're also saying that you regret mistakes you made. I would encourage you to think about these mistakes and evaluate if they really were things you could have fixed or made better. (For example, you can't go back in time and say, "Okay, I'll sleep with you", and I honestly don't think you made the wrong decision in hesitating when she had rather recently expressed a conflicting desire.)

Only you can determine if bringing up these incidents and trying to patch things up again is a good idea, but if she is not receptive to it, you will have to accept that and try to move on as best you can.

I will say that it is not (at least, not solely) your responsibility to fix things between you two. It sounds like this girl made a lot of her own decisions, and that's not really something you can or should help. The only responsibility you need to take is for your own actions, and if they were done in good faith (i.e. to the best of your ability with the best information you had at the time), then maybe you ought not to regret them.

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