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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » FWB - should I?

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Author Topic: FWB - should I?
Autisticmajor
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Member # 49917

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I am having a relationship issue. I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman, but our schedules differ quite a bit, we live apart and and we have hardly any personal time together. [Frown]

Previously this was different and things were hot and heavy. [Wink] This continued until I got careless and we were caught in a compromising position by her mother. Since then we have been in a slow spiral apart. We still attend events together, but personal time is restricted.

I would like to strike up a FWB relationship with another girl I know. She lives close by, and is attracted to me as well. I'm sure she would go for it. However I don't know if I should. She is a little unstable, having been through a tough breakup with her ex (they were having the same type of problems) and I am afraid that this would only exacerbate her problems. [Confused]

Disclosure: All three of us have some type of physical or mental problems.

Posts: 16 | From: New Brunswick, Canada | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Autisticmajor,

I'm not clear on one thing: Is this something that you have discussed with the partner you have currently?

Personally, I'd say that that would be the place to start first, to find out how she feels about the possibility of you pursuing a sexual relationship with another person and what you both think the impact this could have on your current relationship.

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Robin

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Autisticmajor
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No, I haven't. I thought that FWB relationships were not part of the actual relationship and did not need to be shared.
Posts: 16 | From: New Brunswick, Canada | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It really depends on your agreements: do you have an agreement with the person you're currently seeing to be sexually exclusive with them?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Carpe Diem
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Well, unless you and your current partner have a pre-existing agreement that the the two of you are not expected to be mutually exclusive then having a discussion with said partner would be a good place to start.

(Oops, didn't see Heathers reply [Smile] )

[ 07-23-2013, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: Carpe Diem ]

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"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

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Autisticmajor
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I'm not sure. I'd like to marry her, but I don't thank it's going to happen anytime soon. I hate to bring it up, as she might see it as me breaking up with her. At the same time, I hate to go behind her back for relief. [Confused]
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Heather
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If you're not sure if the two of you have agreements about exclusivity, then by all means, that's something to talk about together before doing anything with anyone else, for a whole host of reasons, including that person deciding if they're okay taking extra risks still being sexual with you while you have added another partner (that ups STI risks), and deciding if they want to be in a relationship that isn't exclusive.

Making those choices for someone else without their knowledge or consent? Not cool.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Autisticmajor
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Okay. I think I'll keep things as they are for now. Thanks for your insight.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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For help thinking about things like this now or in the future, this piece might be helpful: Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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