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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Confused About a Crush

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Author Topic: Confused About a Crush
Kathryn2425
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So ever since my ex cheated on me and we broke up about 3 or 4 months ago, I've had a major crush on this guy I sat by in math class all year. We are pretty close friends I would say and he's just so amazing. He would invite me to go to lunch with him and such so I assumed that he really liked me too. He sent me a really sweet text message out of the blue just saying how wonderful I was and how any guy would be lucky to have me and how I'm really pretty. I invited him over last weekend to hang out so we went in my pool and he had his arms wrapped around me basically the whole time and he put his head against mine, so I thought that was a huge sign that he liked me. A few days later we were texting and our conversation kind of led into me asking if he liked me and he said no. He said that he knew that I liked him and he thought that I knew that he didn't like me. I'm so confused because it totally seemed like he liked me! What's going on with him? Why do u think he was acting that way? Does he might actualy like me?
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Karybu
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Unfortunately, there's no way for anyone to know why he acted the way he did; you'll have to talk to him to find that out. (Texting is good for short, simple messages, but when you're trying to have a conversation about bigger stuff, it's really better to do it in person.) You do need to take him at his word, though, and trust what he's said about how he feels.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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We actually did talk about it and he said that's just how he his and he apologized because he felt like he was leading me on but I'm still confused because friends don't just act like that unless they're into you. Do you think that he just likes to flirt but doesnt want a relationship?
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CSandSourpatch
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Hi Kathryn,

I just wanted to address a part of what you said: "friends just don't act like that unless they're into you."

While by and large such actions are signals that someone is interested in you, there are some people who are just very affectionate and flirtatious with most people they know. In high school and college, my friends and I flirted with each other mercilessly, but none of us were interested in each other; that's just how we were around friends. To this day, we all do this around each other, but we do try to tone it down when talking to others, as we know it can be seen as romantic interest.

Nobody except him can tell you why he's so flirtatious but doesn't want a relationship with you. It could be that he doesn't want one at all, but it could just as easily be that he considers you just a friend and other girls (or guys--I don't know this guy personally) as more than friends. I'm reluctant to say that you should ask, as it sounds like you might be looking for some way to poke a hole in the just-friends boundary. (I'm sorry if that is an incorrect assumption.) However, if you believe you need to know to get closure, it's okay for you to ask, but bear in mind that he might not answer, or he might not give you an answer that you like.

I think you need to take what your friend said at face value--he's not interested, and he's sorry that his actions led you to believe he was, whatever his reasons for doing so.

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