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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Heather I did It.

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Author Topic: Heather I did It.
Alergnon
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Member # 93204

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Hey Heather,

It's almost been 3 weeks since I did something really hard but I had to.

I couldn't handle this cycle I was in, it became harder and harder to deal with and I needed to do something about it.

On Saturday July 13th something happened, but a week and half prior to that date, I was taking the steps to stopping a cycle I was in. It hurt, took time, cried, was angry but I had to. Spent a week and half thinking a lot, taking bus rides downtown and endlessly walking just to clear my head.

Then Saturday July 13th came, it was around 10pm when I received a text message, I was hoping to receive a text message from M. I went over to his place, spent the night. Left.

A week and half prior to receiving his text message I had told him to F off and leave me alone, that I can't be doing this anymore.

What was happening is his own struggles started to get the better of him, he refused to talk to me, we hardly hung out, it seemed dead. Then we would get into stupid arguments. I even asked him if he would like to work them out, figure it out rather than having stupid arguments. He wouldn't take my invitation to do that. It hurt me a lot. I couldn't handle it and needed to do something.

So a week and half prior to Saturday July 13th, I explained that I can't do this, I then sent him a letter of all our good memories because he always told me to think of our good times we had together. I did that for closure. He then contacted me, saying he got my letter and it made him cry.

I am at his place that night, went home in the morning. I sat in my bed thinking and thinking. I couldn't do it anymore. I can't deal with what's happening and I've tried to do something but he wasn't willing to. I sent him some nasty messages, basically telling him to F off and leave me alone and I'm not his sex toy anymore and that it was never like that. That his struggles are controlling him, that he is shoving me away the person who cares. I couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle his talking to me, then days without responding to me, then he is wanting sex, and it just repeated for a month and half.

I sent a last letter explaining how much I care about him and that I couldn't do it anymore. That he need to be there or not there, not both. I couldn't handle both. I don't know what took him but he is not a part of my life.

On Sunday I woken up to a text message from him explaining he just got back from somewhere where we had went and that it was good memories. I balled. I then lashed out telling him to F off again and leave me alone.

Here I am, it's been about three weeks and I am still upset but I had to do it. We haven't talked since then, other than me telling him to F off and him sending me a memory text message. I needed to move on.

I couldn't handle the cycle that was happening I really couldn't. Need to break it. It was hard, but I did. I've been focusing on myself more, I had quit my job that stressed me to death and sickness, I however am going to College in September for Web Design.

I gotta say, it hurt like hell but I had to do what needed to be done.

Wanted you to know.

Posts: 517 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alergnon
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Member # 93204

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Forgot to add. I've been on the Patch for a total of almost 4 weeks, well 3 weeks on then 1 week off and 1 with it on, so total 4.
Posts: 517 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hey Alergnon,

Heather is taking a little time off this week so I'm not sure when she'll see this. So, even though I'm not Heather, I just wanted to let you know that someone did see it. [Smile]

Yay for you for sticking to what you know is right for you right now, even though it's difficult, and for getting on the patch. These are both really positive things. [Smile]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alergnon
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Could you let her know when she does get back, would like her to know. If this is possible.
Posts: 517 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Of course. [Smile]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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