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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Tired of feeling lonely

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Author Topic: Tired of feeling lonely
scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

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I have never dated. and I'm going to turn fourteen in nine months. I'm sick of feeling lonely. and depressed. I want a boyfriend, someone to hold hands with, to love.My depression is affecting my mood and my studies. Is there something wrong with me? Almost all my friends have had boyfriends and i feel extremely eliminated when they start talking about them. I hardly know boys. This seems really petty when you actually write it down, but i didn't know who to ask. can i get some advice? Thankyou. [Frown]
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Haleigh H
Volunteer-in-training
Member # 103145

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Hi Scarlett 99,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bummed out. I remember feeling this way when I was your age too. I assure you that there is nothing wrong with you.

Do you think it would help to try to shift your attention from the relationship you don't have (with a boyfriend) to the really great relationships you do have with friends, family, siblings, cousins, etc. Do you have friends and family that can help you improve your mood, feel connected to and loved?

What do you think about striking up a friendship with a boy first and seeing how that goes?

Have you tried to talk about your loneliness and depression with anyone else? How did that go?

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Haleigh

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Haleigh H
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Scarlett 99, I also found this awesome page. Give it a look and let me know what you think.

Making The Most of Your Life Right Now

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Haleigh

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scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

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I'm sorry. I'm going to turn fifteen in nine months. I have a guy who i was previously very close to. But now we rarely talk. And besides, he has a girlfriend. yeah, family and friends do make me feel loved but i just want a relationship. Something real. How to strike up friendships with boys is what i'm looking for. I feel really depressed and that i'm being a bit obstinate. But i really can't help it. I know that it's not the answer to everything. One day i wake up believing that i don't need to depend on anyone and by the end of the day, boom.. it all goes away. I have given it a lot of thought but i don't know what to do.
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Haleigh H
Volunteer-in-training
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Scarlett 99 I think that those are all feelings that a lot of us feel. They can be really difficult to figure out and to deal with. Can I ask why it is that you feel you want a relationship. What are you looking to get out of it?

Did you take a look at the article? If not, please do and let me know what you think.

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Haleigh

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can I also check in with you and ask if you're currently getting treatment for your depression?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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One reason I ask that, just so you know, is that we actually have a lot of good data on depression in teens and young adults and romantic relationships, and it's been long established that romantic relationships tend to increase depression, or make it more likely, rather than alleviate it.

I get thinking the opposite would be true, but for all the good things a romantic relationship can potentially offer, it also comes with a lot of stresses, especially when you're young and everyone is so new to these kinds of relationships. To boot, when someone is suffering from depression, it tends to be much harder, rather than easier, to have mutually beneficial intimate relationships, on both sides.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

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Thank you Haleigh. The article was really helpful. Today morning when i woke up, i felt really independent and figured that i did no need anyone. And now, i am back to starting line. I am an extremely moody person(as yo must have realized). when i used to talk to this friend of mine who was a boy, i would hate him talking to other girls. i keep forgetting that i don't really have a boyfriend and that he is entitled to speak to whoever he wants. I don't know what being in a relationship feels like but all these books and stories make it look a if it's really something great. I obviously wouldn't want to go for a person i don't like. That's not me. but, lately, i'm feeling very confused. very, very confused.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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HI Scarlett,

Can I check in with you, again, as Heather did above, about whether you're getting any treatment or support with the depression you're describing?

I'm also curious, and hoping you can fill me in on this, about what it is you feel would be different about having a relationship, what it is you think a relationship would give you that the love and support of your family and friends doesn't give you.

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Robin

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scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

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I'm not very open with my parents about things like this. And unless i tell them about all this, i can't get proper treatment can i? [Frown]
What i'm looking for? well, someone to hold hands with, someone to go out on dates with, someone to take to the movies with me and my friend and her boyfriend. someone to dance with? to feel loved by someone in that way?all this and much much more.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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What would your parents do or say, do you think, if you talked to them about this? Whether or not you told them how much you want a relationship, it still sounds like there are plenty of things you can tell them about how you're feeling, how it's affecting you, and so on.

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Robin

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scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

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i don't want to worry them. and they already have enough problems of their own. and lately, i feel Very lonely.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I notice that something people often forget, or don't realize until they;re way older -- and sometimes parents themselves -- about good parents is that they WANT their children to ask for help when they need it, and to let them share their burdens.

Chances are they've already noticed you aren't feeling like yourself, and are probably already worried. Knowing how you're feeling, and what you think is going on, being able to try and help? All of that is more likely to make them feel better than worse.

That said, you can probably still get mental healthcare without their permission or knowledge if that's what you'd prefer. It'd just start by taking yourself to a clinic or doctor, rather than having them take you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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