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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » feeling adverse to intimacy/how do I talk to my therapist

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Author Topic: feeling adverse to intimacy/how do I talk to my therapist
Member # 105717

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So I had intercourse for the first time with my boyfriend (I had never done this with anyone before)a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't expecting it to be amazing or even particularly good, but I did expect it to be an enjoyable or at least pleasant experience. Long story short it was physically very painful,I was trying not to cry, mentally distancing myself, and biting my fist the whole time, and in retrospect I realize I obviously should have stopped when I wasn't enjoying it. Come on, past self.

For reasons that still aren't completely clear to me, I had terrible cramps for a good 24 hours immediately afterwards, bled, and eventually developed a UTI. (I tend to get pretty upset and emotional about physical pain. You should see me when I get a mosquito bite)

I include all of this to help explain why I felt, justified or not, completely traumatized. At first, I was sure I would never ever have sex again, and I still feel that way to a certain extent. I was pretty depressed after this.

Now, I'm dealing with two problems
1.) For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time becoming intimate with my boyfriend again. We aren't going to have intercourse any time soon (Thank you, UTI) but I find myself finding excuses not to kiss or engage in other sexual play with him. I let him know that I didn't love the sex, but I don't see any nice way to tell him I was completely traumatized by intercourse. (it wasn't his fault at all. He even asked several times if I wanted to stop)

2.) I'm seeing my therapist soon-ish and I don't know how to bring this up to her. Because of the intense nature of the depression I experienced I talked about this with my psychiatrist (we normally keep our convos pretty medicine related). Talking through this with her was really difficult and upsetting for me (I'm normally good at discussing anything). I'm afraid I'm going to chicken out and avoid bringing this up all together.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI plaidbedding16,

I just want to check in that you're getting that UTI treated?

For how to talk to your therapist, you could opt to write it down and have her read it You could even print out your post here and show it to her. Or, you could just decide that you're going to address this right at the beginning of your session and aren't going to allow yourself to get sidetracked by talking about anything else. You could even tell your therapist that you have something you want to discuss, and it's tough for you, so it might take you a bit to get it out.


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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