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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Friend is getting plastic surgery

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Author Topic: Friend is getting plastic surgery
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Member # 95998

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Hey everybody!

So, I saw one of my friends post as her facebook status thatshe's getting a "#newface" via plastic surgery as a late birthday present. I'm really hoping this is a prank or something, because everytime I've seen her, I've always thought to myself, "Wow, she's absolutely beautiful." Even if she didn't fit society's model standard of beauty (though she has been considered that since she's walked in our university's fashion show), I would still be worried for her anyway. I mean, it won't make the insecurities that she has go away; and after the first procedure, she might do it again and again and risk her health even!

I know that it's her face and she has the right to do what she wants with it, but I'm wondering:
1. Should I message her anything?
2. If I do, what would be the best way to go about telling her without sounding judgmental?

Any advice would be appreciated!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 101745

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This is kind of tough. I can totally understand having an initial reaction of surprise and/or disappointment that your friend who you think is so beautiful is going to get cosmetic surgery.

At the same time, though, I think it's important to respect the decisions people make about their own bodies. Even if you don't really understand or agree with them! Women get a lot of messages about how to have a properly feminine/attractive/acceptable body, and on top of that when people make the decision to put themselves more in alignment with some of those messages, they can get criticism for that as well!

Surgery is, to be sure, a big deal and recovery can be hard. If you're concerned about your friend and want to reach out, how about framing it in terms of the recovery process? If you're geographically close to her, could you offer to run errands for her or check in if she's not very mobile in the days following surgery? When I had surgery last fall I read a LOT of books - maybe you have some books or movies you could loan her that you think she'd like?
It's possible that if you are talking with her in general about the surgery and recovery, she'll offer some information about exactly what she's doing and why she's choosing to do it. But unless she brings it up, I don't know that it's a great idea to ask "why are you doing this? I'm worried about you!" I bet a lot of people are going to make those comments and she will probably appreciate having someone not do that.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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