I started dating this guy named Austin about three months ago. He's very sweet, charismatic, and fun, and I really enjoy spending time with him.
In the very beginning of our relationship, we didn't have many classes together (we go to the same university), so it was easy to maintain that butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling because we didn't see each other all the time. He used to text me every day, things like "good morning beautiful" and stuff. He would come by my dorm room and surprise me by asking me out on random nighttime walks and such. It was all really lovely.
However, about two months ago, when our third quarter of the year started, we were in almost every class together, and we were also in a show together, so we saw each other almost all the time. I think, because of that, some of the honeymoon phase ended too quickly. Now I have to wait three days before he texts me, and he rarely sends me cute messages anymore.
I'm just confused. Is he really into me? Or did this whole romance just fizzle out too quickly? I do like him and still enjoy spending time with him. But lately I've been feeling like less of an exciting girl to date and more of a comfortable girl. I do eventually want to get to a comfortable stage with him, but I didn't want it to happen this soon.
Is there any hope of salvaging this?
Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2011
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I think there is a frequent worry about the issue of the honeymoon phase, or the "butterflies" feeling. At the start of a relationship, hormones can frequently feel quite pronounced. Then when that time is over, you're getting to know the other person better, and you're no longer head over heels with infatuation.
The thing is, there's nothing wrong with that. This is a natural progression, especially if you have been spending more time together which will speed things to this phase. I suggest you have a talk with him about both of your expectations and discuss things you and he can do that will keep the interest/excitement factor up that suits you both and respects both of your boundaries.
There is absolutely nothing stopping any relationship being exciting in the longer term, but it is totally natural if things have progressed from the "honeymoon" stage to the "getting to know each other better" stage.
I wish you the best, and I know that other people will have some good suggestions too.
PS: I think he could send you more "cute" messages if he understands you like them and its one of the ways he helps make you feel special!
PPS: Having a good chat with your partner is definitely a Good Thing. (TM)
You know, the only way to get a sense of how your boyfriend is feeling is to talk to him about it. I realize that this may be an intimidating thing to do, but there's no universal set of signs you can look at to see if someone's happy or not in a relationship. And I think if you go too far down the road of trying to analyze his behavior without talking to him, it puts you at a risk of being less and less connected to what's actually happening between the two of you.
If you really liked those texts, it's ok to say "hey, I know we see each other a lot more than we used to, but I really enjoyed getting sweet messages from you from time to time, can you do that more often?"
Also, think about those things you miss doing like midnight walks and anything else similar - can you initiate some of those things too? I realize that it's fun to be surprised by someone else's fun plan, but there's no reason you can't come up with some plans of your own. And again, it's totally fine to have a conversation about this and talk about the sort of activities you'd like to plan together, or how each of you feels about initiating dates or signs of affection.
Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013
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