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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is this a good idea?

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Author Topic: Is this a good idea?
Angelica Maria
Member # 96266

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I know I have been suggested to break up with my girlfriend so many times from people on this service, my mom, my family, my friends, everybody, because of how I'm suffering, but please keep in mind that breaking up is a last resort. I had an idea and I wanted to see if its dangerous or ok.

So my girlfriend is coming to NY the 7th of June. Its around the corner. All I want is the truth, because she keeps going from "i love u" to "i hate u" and back and fourth. She calls me nasty names and makes me feel insecure. I tell her, "if im a horrible girlfriend then what are you doing with me?" She says I have retardation and I told her I'm autistic and she said I need to recheck with my doctor. Any simple question asked, she calls me retarded every day. Every time I tell her something is part of my disability, she says that thats all I ever talk about. She makes me feel bad about my sexual desires like as if I'm some pervert. Its bad enough she bitches me over trying to reach a singing career, its bad enough she bitches about me going out with friends, but ther worst is that she expects me to give up counseling. WTF! This girl is messed up and refuses to take counseling and I'm supposed to get myself fucked up with no therapy because of her? She thinks I'm her dawg! She teases me like I'm a dawg, and makes me stay by her like a dawg! More like an indoor cat! I'm a human!

I even keep telling her that she's walking on thin ice. Two times I was ready to dump her ***. I keep telling her if she aint happy, get your *** out of here! Considering she keeps telling me she's not happy with me but she loves me too much to leave. I told her it dont work like that. She's giving me mixed messages. So now I feel like I have a way I can get answers and bust her ***.

My idea is having a secret identity. I feel like if I could pretend to be someone else contacting her somehow, I could find out whats going on. I'd bring up relationship topic and ask her if she wants to be with her girlfriend forever like we talk about. I feel like doing that I can find out if she really does care about me and feel what she says. Now on another hand, I'd be kind of nervouse because, either she might figure out its me, and plus I hate lying!

Now here's another idea (probably better). I've seen on reality shows like "Maury Show" where the had a thing called "decoys". I feel like maybe I'd hire a decoy or idk if they'd do it for free if their friends. Idk maybe have a friend have a secret ID. What do you think? And I can only dump her if I know for sure just reassuring you. So yeh anhy suggestions?

*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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This really isn't a good idea. Especially because of the behavior you've described from your girlfriend, I think any sort of "decoy" action might backfire on you and make her even more angry and prone to abuse than before. And from what you've said here, it sounds like your girlfriend already is making it really clear how she feels about you, on a constant basis.

It's not ok for your girlfriend to call you names, to belittle you, and try to keep you from seeing your counselor. At all. It doesn't matter how nice she is some of the time if she's treating you like this the rest of the time. Because what she's doing is abuse, plain and simple.
I hear you saying you're tired of having people tell you that it's a good idea to leave your girlfriend. But honestly, because of the abuse you've reported here on multiple occasions, that's the only thing we ethically can do.

Please don't ask us for advice on how to stay with your girlfriend; we can't help anyone stay in a relationship that they've told us is abusive. Asking us to help you stay really means that you're asking us to be unethical and irresponsible, and we can't do that. The only thing we can ethically discuss with you is leaving this relationship. We would be happy, at any point (either now or in the future) to try to work out an exit strategy with you, or to try to point you to some resources in your area.

I know you've mentioned before that your mom and other people in your life would like to see you break up with your girlfriend; can you turn to them for some extra support in this? It sounds like you have a lot of people in your life who do care for you and want to help you out of this situation; how about reaching out to some of them?

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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