So, I am 25 and my brother is in college. So no more kids live in my parents house. I came home to visit for the weekend and asked to borrow my dads ipad. After he acted a little off about me borrowing it, I looked through his browsing history and found out he is reading a TON of craigslist single women classifieds. Every day of the week he is reading them. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, etc. It seemed like 75% of all of his browsing history was him looking for single women. To be honest, I didn't linger because it was making me sick to my stomach. I'm really nervous right now because I've always had the 'perfect parents'. My brother and I had an amazing childhood. My parents have always been nothing but supportive of everything I choose to do and I am extremely close to both of them. They are the kind of parents you think of as your friend, not just as parents. Also, in my 25 years, I've really never seen my parents fight. I've seen small arguments, but never anything serious at all. I've always thought they had a perfect marriage (although I know every relationship has rocky moments, they've been happily married for 27 years).
So what do I do? Do I confront my dad about it? Do I tell my mom? Do I tell my brother? Should I investigate more? Find out if he is meeting other women? Or just forget it altogether?
Well this flips the script a little, usually it's parents getting in a panic about stuff they find on their kids technology.
To start, I'm really sorry you had to see all that stuff on your dad's tablet, especially as it upset your idea of who he is and your entire feeling about being in a happy family. Things like that can be really disturbing.
How you react to this now, I think, is your call... Firstly, it would be worth it I think just to scale back some of our assumptions. Your dad looks at a load of ads on a website... it may be that this is simply something he likes to do in his spare time with no other implications.
It doesn't mean he's unhappy in his relationship, has been unhappy in your family or that there's anything significantly broken about your childhood memories and so on. It also doesn't mean he's cheating... perhaps these just play a role in his fantasies. People in long marriages often are content with fantasising about more than their spouse. It's also possible your mother already knows about this and it's cool with her... or maybe your parents sex life is a whole lot more adventurous than you know.
Essentially this is something you've found out about your dad which he intended to keep private. It may be a playing out of the realisation that at the very least your parents relationship is more complicated than you thought in ways unfortunately they haven't spoken to you about.
As this was meant to be private and may not be what we thought, I would personally avoid exposing any body else to that information. Talking to your dad about it, just to clarify (not confront) what this information means could be something which could at least give you an opportunity to help if something is wrong... However, I would totally understand if you didn't feel prepared to do that, as it's something I would never feel able to do within my family... We're all different.
What do you feel most inclined to do about this? We can maybe talk about that in more detail... If this turns out to be more about feeling disturbed and less about what to 'do', we can talk about that too.
[ 05-20-2013, 05:22 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Posts: 545 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011
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