So, Scarleteen, we meet again xD I posted a while ago, telling you about a pregnancy scare I had with my boyfriend, of my own age. I also promised to update you on that when I got time, which is now =o I didn't get pregnant, thankfully, but I didn't stay with the boyfriend. He handled the entire situation badly, saying he'd "Go spend time with his mates until it all blows over" and basically left me on my own, to deal with stress, parents, possible pregnancy, and now a tattered relationship (Yeah, thanks for that). Luckily for me, I had my best guy friend on hand to help me through that. Which he did really well, unlike the person who SHOULD have been doing that. Within a month, my boyfriend had called one of my best friends cute and was flirting with her, whilst still in a relationship with me. Of course, he cried and apologised, and being the dummy I am, against my best guy friend's better judgement, I got back with him. So, 2 months went on, and eventually, after so much communication breakdown, I finally gave up the ghost (as my other girl friend put it, "You're not beating a dead horse any more. You're now beating the mushed up pulp that may have once resembled a horse.") By this point, I was long over him, I just held onto the relationship from guilt, all the while falling for my guy friend who had been trying so hard to help me, he talked to me and my ex for hours at a time, calmed us both down when we fought, tried to give constructive advice (That my ex ignored). I felt so objectified with that ex boyfriend in the end, and in the end I just stopped caring about the guilt and followed my heart. I'm so glad I did, because i've been in a relationship with that guy friend for a month and a half now, and I am so happy with him. I don't regret a second of my past relationship (Scarleteen helped me with that, so thank you :3) I learnt a lot from the experience. I don't feel sexually pressured at all with my new boyfriend, even though he is older, I think I may just have got lucky, because he's nothing like the boys described in the "Why I deeply dislike your older boyfriend" article. My friends agree with me, and my parents just worry i'll run away to be with him (they think he'll stay in London after he finished University there, even though we already discussed practical plans and came to our decision regarding that, and my parents have nothing to worry about in that aspect) though they have no concerns regarding my safety with him, i'm open with them (unlike my previous relationship). I am extremely happy now, and I feel like I could actually have a future with this person, as we have a really good bond and i'm so glad I came to Scarleteen for advice all of the times I did, otherwise I probably wouldn't be with this boy today, i'd probably still be with my ex.
This post is more to let you know how things worked out, and to say to everyone who's in a bad relationship, and feels guilted into staying, or who loves someone else, or who isn't comfortable, please don't keep chasing it and making yourself unhappy. And please use Scarleteen for information, it's very helpful, if you don't already rely on it like a lifeline for advice :L Thank you for helping me, Scarleteen :3 I'll be back whenever some nonsense happens to me that I need advice on, probably :3 Thanks again for having this website, and for giving me so much advice in the past, I'll be suggesting this website to everyone I know if they ever get into trouble relationship wise or sexually. -Lily (Dementia)
Posts: 24 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2012
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I'm glad scarleteen could be such a help, also really happy that your current relationship is going so well but also that you're questioning and thinking about the age thing and making sure there's nothing awry there.
It sounds like your ex treated you pretty uncaringly when you needed him... but it also sounds like he's pretty confused about things himself, and from your other posts it sounds like he was struggling too. I really hope he finds his way. I'm not sure where the idea that you were objectified comes from? I might be missing something there...
I am really happy for you and while it's important to call-it when we've been treated badly and to appreciate good new stuff in new relationships... but it's never completely clear cut and sometimes, rightfully, we're making decisions for 'me', not because of the past or future but because of the present.
The idea that your previous partner was totally awful and your current one is totally perfect makes me feel a bit uneasy, but I think I've done the same thing.
Sometimes a relationship doesn't work and the parts of the other person that didn't gel with us really come to define that person, but really help us justify that decision.
By the same token your new partner sounds great, but although it's good to feel long term stuff could be an option. I don't think we need to feel like we have 'a future' with someone to enjoy being with them and justify being with them in the present. And although it can feel nice it does also give us something to lose... I know plenty of people who have said to me things like "I'm hating all these things about the present in my relationship but I don't want to loose our future". I really think it can get in the way of making decisions but I'd really like you to feel free to change this relationship if you have to.
I'm aware you weren't asking for advice just now and I just intended to say 'hooray' but then all this stuff came to mind.
I'm so glad your life is feeling like it's in so much of a better place, I just also hope it just gets better and better. I'm aware that a lot of that will be to do with continuing to work on the stuff you were struggling with personally in your earlier posts, and being adaptable to your own growth etc.
So, "hooray!" with a pinch of "hmm", but only because I think stuff could get even more "hooray" for you, and I don't want this "hooray" to turn into an "oh no".
[ 05-26-2013, 06:54 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Posts: 545 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011
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