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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » depression and a lack of intimacy

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Author Topic: depression and a lack of intimacy
Member # 79657

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So my boyfriend -- well, I guess he's a sort-of-boyfriend now -- have been going through a rough patch. Very abruptly four weeks ago my depression resurfaced with a vengeance, and I basically haven't wanted anything to do with my boyfriend since then. It's not that I don't think he's a great guy and like him and stuff -- it's just when I'm really, really sad, like I am right now, I find it very hard to be close with people -- and that goes for all people, friends, boyfriends, everyone. So I'm finding it hard to be intimate with him, and not just sexually but emotionally too.

He's being incredibly persistent and keeps saying he knows we're having problems but we'll get through them, but I'm not so sure. Today I was considering having sex with him just to, you know, break the ice between us again, but I didn't really WANT to have sex with him so I didn't do it. A friend of mine says I need to just have a very simple conversation with my boyfriend, about how when I'm depressed, I have trouble being close with people, and since I'm depressed right now I'm having trouble being close with him, and that it's nothing personal but I just need a lot of space right now. What I'm afraid of, though, is that this bout of depression will last -- well, months (because it has before) and it will ruin our relationship.

I want to be honest with my boyfriend and tell him that I appreciate his support and I want to be with him, but it may be a really long time before I feel like getting close with him again. I just don't know how I'll feel if he decides to dump me over it though.

Am I making any sense?

Posts: 68 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Allie R
Member # 102566

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Hey there prozac,

You are making sense. I'm sorry you're going through this right now, though.

Speaking as a peer, rather than a medically certified professional, honesty seems to be the best policy here. What you've posted is perfectly reasonable to talk to your boyfriend about, not to minimize your concerns.

I think it would help you to consider how you'd want someone to respond to your honesty. If your boyfriend was understanding and supportive, then being open with him would benefit both you and your relationship. If he's not, well, would you want to be with someone who's not?

We can also cross that bridge if we get to it, also. Nobody 100% knows what your boyfriend's response will be until you say something to him, so as hard as it is not to, let's try not to figure out how we'll feel when we only think he'll respond poorly.

I do want to emphasize I'm not a certified therapist- rather, someone who wants to let you know your concerns have been listened to [Smile]


Posts: 109 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 79657

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So, I talked to my boyfriend. I told him all the things I said to you guys, about my depression, about wanting to push him away but at the same time keep him close, etc., and he literally just leaned forward and kissed me and said, "We'll get through it," in response. :)

I have a good guy.

Posts: 68 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hi Prozac,

Good for you on opening up to him and I am so pleased he responded that way. Having at least that worry off of your chest will help in the long run, and having someone who loves and supports you is even better.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 107555

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You do indeed have a good guy.

I hope it all works out for you two.

Signature that I might fill out later ~~~

Posts: 15 | From: Norway | Registered: May 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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