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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How do I get in the dating scene?

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Author Topic: How do I get in the dating scene?
jayjay92
Neophyte
Member # 96171

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I'm at an age where I kind of figured I would've had more experience with dating than what I currently do, which really is none. It's not that I think my life isn't complete, but it would be nice to have somebody in my life, and honestly I've had the kid itch since I was a teenager and how can I expect to have a kid some day when I've never even dated?

I don't know what it is that I've done wrong. I know I for sure have only had two people interested me in my entire life; one was way too old and cheated, and the other was separated but obviously not that separated. My point being, I don't think I missed out not pursuing those too hastily. I have two male friends, and I'm not really sure what they even think or if they even do, and one already has a girlfriend. I work all the time, and when I'm on campus it's typically alone, and going to clubs or bars is a couple thing so there's no available guys any way.

I just don't know how to get myself out there, or if it's even worth it. I'm beginning to think it's pointless and I'm never going to meet anybody. I know looks are important, but how do you at least get their foot in the personality door?

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Go with the flow!

Posts: 30 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI There,

I often think of dating as along the same lines as making friends.

So, what are your intrests and hobbies. Are they things that can be shared with a group? Are there groups of people in your area who share your hobbies and interests?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jayjay92
Neophyte
Member # 96171

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I agree, it is quite similar, but it's something that I'm also poor at.

I've been involved with college courses since I was fifteen until now, and I wasn't really involved during high school. I've never really been a solitary socializer. I go out and have fun, but I don't know how to do that on my own.

I like to go out, shop, hang out at the lake, go hiking. I like the movies, reading, writing. I mean I'm kind of an oddball. I like playing sports, but not watching them usually unless it's like at the ball park.

I mean there are plenty of things that I like to do, but I don't think they're good things to do to make friends/find dates.

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Go with the flow!

Posts: 30 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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What about expanding your social circle by asking your friends to introduce you to some of their friends? Taking a course for fun or joining a local casual sports team could work too. Volunteering can also be a great way to meet people - when I moved to my current city, volunteering helped me meet some of my closest friends.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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jayjay92
Neophyte
Member # 96171

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Maybe this is just me, but I don't really see how so many people have time for that. I know I never have, and I'm only 20 years old.

Honestly I thought I could play around more this semester in college than I have before, and it ended pretty badly. I still get to graduate with my degree but I have to go back next semester and repeat for credit. That's what happens when you play around and think you have time for things.

I guess I'm just stuck in an awkward age. My friends are either younger than me, or older than me, none that are really my age. So my younger friends' friends I've mostly met and they're friends too, but that's as far as it goes. That's hard enough just because they don't understand why I do what I do. The few older friends I have, doesn't always have the nicest of friends. And I can't just go anywhere with them, I have to wait until I'm 21.

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Go with the flow!

Posts: 30 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
skiesofgreen
Activist
Member # 46170

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Hi Jayjay,

I can definitely sympathies with college being overwhelming, trust me I've felt my social life take a hit as well. That said, connecting with people can even be done in an academic setting as well. These points might be moot now that you're graduating but making plans to study with people cannot only help your grades but also introduce you to knew friends/potential partners (I know I've made a good group of friend that way). Also, getting involved in academic clubs on campus can have similar benefits. And you know, what I've found, is that when it comes down to it making time for school and a social life if like making time for anything, it just requires good planning. So while partying all weekend is probably a no go, taking two hours out on a saturday to play soccer (or whatever floats your boat) isn't likely to totally ruin your academic career, and in fact could help it (exercise has been shown to help people perform better academically).

But, like I said, all of that may be besides the point now that you're graduating. So, as it sounds like you're only going to be having one class, maybe you could use your new found extra time to tak part in some of those activities that you didn't feel you had time for before (like joining an intramural team at a local gym, or joining a club of something that interests you, or volunteering somewhere). Also, if you're moving out of college into work that in and of itself might give you a chance to increase your social circle and find people you might be interested in.

Posts: 245 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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One thing I've found for myself is that meeting new people, whether they're friends or potential romantic partners, really can take some work, especially outside of a school/college situation (where you meet people all the time just by virtue of attending class). I moved to a new city almost three years ago and while I sort-of knew one couple here when I came to town, making other friends has been something I've really had to work at. I think meeting potential dating partners works the same way, a lot of the time.

What's worked for me is going to discussion groups and meetups for activities I'm interested in, and trying to follow up with friends I meet through other people. Some of my closer friendships now (and some of them are also folks I've flirted with/dated a bit) are with people I met through other friends/acquaintances I'm not as close with. The more people you meet, the more of a chance there is that one of them will be someone you click with, romantically. I'm not saying you should change yourself or your social habits to try to act like someone you aren't, but there may be a way you can think about meeting more people or getting more involved in some interesting groups or activities that will help you widen your social circle a bit.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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