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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » To pursue or not to pursue?

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Author Topic: To pursue or not to pursue?
MusicNerd
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So, as I mentioned in another thread I recently created, I'm considering getting therapy. Hopefully my college has something I can go to over the summer without my parents finding out.

Anyway, long-story-short: Over the past couple of weeks, I've mustered up the courage to talk to this guy I like (and who I sense likes me, too). It turns out we have a lot in common, and whenever I talk with him, things are really laid-back and I don't feel like I have to carefully pick what I say around him. Also, when I got on my feminist soapbox in our class discussion, he didn't seem to mind (which is a definite plus in my book). [Smile]

The thing is, we only have two classes left together this year (before reading days and finals) and I've only talked with him about two or three times; I only recently noticed that he would stare at me when I wasn't looking or that he looked like he wanted to start a conversation with me at the end of our classes.

Due to the limited amount of time we've talked together and the limited amount of time left in the school year, I'm thinking that it would be too rash to ask him to hang out now. Also, since I want to get therapy, I'm thinking now might not be the best time for me to try and ask someone out. But on the other hand, I'm worried that the friendly-flirty vibes going on between us might not be there in the fall when the school year starts again.

Does it seem reasonable for me to put off attempts at pursuing something non-platonic and wait until the fall, or should I try and express my interest somehow before the academic year ends?

[ 04-20-2013, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey music nerd!

I wouldn't say anything you've suggested would be rash, or unreasonable... beit asking him out, not asking him out and so on.

I think therapy and fears of the impact that could have on you are plenty good reasons as any to hold back until you do feel more comfortable about it. But again, that's not a 'should' or a 'shouldn't'.

I've dated an continued in relationships while undergoing therapy and that was a fine decision for me, however for you it could be anything.

So I'd say that if some decision already feels good for you, then that's a good an answer as you can get, but if you need a bit of a clearer picture (e.g. what to expect from therapy) then maybe that could be something you could look into or wait a little to better understand before making moves you don't feel ready for.

Posts: 685 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Some extra thoughts:

Planning to spend more time together doesn't necessarily initiate a sexual relationship etc, so maybe you could plan something more ambiguous just to test the waters a little more sensitively. This could mean inviting him to some group event you're already a part of, or something like that. I'd even say the same of a date... a date doesn't have to be a big gesture, it can just be spending time with someone as a one off and if it doesn't feel right you can hold back before doing it again.

Does that sound like it could be helpful?

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MusicNerd
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Hey Jacob! Thanks for responding! [Smile]

Well, my a cappella group's having a concert coming up this week and a few days ago I invited some of the people in my class (including him) to the facebook event; my friend (who's in my class and the a cappella group) and I are planning on sending out an e-mail to the entire class to let everyone know that the concert's coming up. I know that's not quite the same as going up to someone and inviting them in-person, but that's pretty much what I've done so far. I feel like if I went up to him and asked him to come in-person after inviting him on facebook, I would be coming on too strong and he might feel pressured to have to go (which is not something I'd want him to feel).

So, since I've already done that (and since my friend and I are planning on sending out an e-mail to our class), I think I might just lay low and keep having nice conversations with him.

[ 04-20-2013, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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