Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Ex won't stop texting me.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Ex won't stop texting me.
nat1018
Neophyte
Member # 102268

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nat1018     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I dated a boy for about three years, and around September or October of 2012, I finally broke up with him. I've since gotten in another relationship that has been absolutely wonderful. I'm so grateful that I've met Zach, because he's done nothing but motivate me to be a better person.

However, my ex, Curt, will not stop texting me. Since I've broken up with him, he's texted me at least once every couple of weeks. Sometimes it's just "hey", but other times it's something like "i'm feeling really bad i need literally anyone to talk to". I've ignored it. For months and months. I don't have feelings for him, I am completely disinterested in perusing a friendship with him. I made nothing but bad decisions when I was with him, and my quality of life has improved enormously since I've broken up with him.

I've tried just ignoring his texts, but that hasn't helped. The other night he tried to text me, saying that I was a bad person because he'd given me second changes when we were still dating and talking, and I ignored that. I then received a random text from a strange area code. It was a picture text of a naked male, apparently trying to sext me. Since I've given this phone number to only a handful of people, this really freaked me out. I'm fairly convinced that Curt gave my number to someone on a chat site, because he's done things like that to friends and other exes before.

Tonight he texted me and said something about his depression just getting worse and him needing someone to talk to. I am not the person he needs to talk to. I don't want to talk to him, and it really pisses me off that he uses this to try to manipulate me into texting him. He knows that things like that are a very sensitive issue for me, and he never asked for my help with issues like that when we were dating.

I just want him to stop, because it's a problem now! My service doesn't support blocking numbers, and it costs me money to change my number. I have the money, but damn, that's a hassle.

I just need advice on what to do because ignoring him isn't working.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Have you not yet tried setting a limit with him directly?

If not, then by all means, I'd say it's way past time for that. While just ignoring some people might work, I'd say on the whole that nothing but ignore without ever clearly communicating often won't. A person really can't know what limits we want if we don't say what they are.

It doesn't need to be anything complicated, just some version of "I don't want you to contact me anymore, please stop texting me."

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nat1018
Neophyte
Member # 102268

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nat1018     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have. When I first got together with Zach I told him that he needed to stop contacting me. He stopped for a while and then picked it back up.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay.

So, if you've restated that with no success, then really, changing your number is the next step you've got.

For sure, it stinks that you have to pay money for someone to stop harassing you -- and I feel you, especially as someone who has had to move states to make stalking stop -- but alas, that's often how this goes.

Too, a next step, like seeking a restraining order, is often something you won't be able to get until you've done things like changing a number.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nat1018
Neophyte
Member # 102268

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nat1018     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, that definitely sounds like what I'll do then. I actually just went to do it online but my service is doing an update, so I won't be able to do that until Sunday or Monday.

I had been feeling like changing my number might have been overreacting or something? Idk, it's weird.

But thanks! This helps. I just needed that second opinion.

And if he does somehow manage to contact me again, that's when something like a restraining order should come into play? He's never threatened me or anything, so could I still do that?

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think changing your number is an overreaction at all. It sounds like your ex has a problem respecting boundaries you've tried to set, and while it's sad that it then falls to you to enforce them, it's totally reasonable for you to do so.
If you have mutual acquaintances you feel comfortable sharing some details with, it may be helpful to let them know not to share your new number with him if he asks around for it.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3