Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Regretting relationship

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Regretting relationship
Peer Ambassador
Member # 72015

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Roxie102     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I just got out of a two year relationship that was fairly coercive and toxic in many ways. I eventually saw the light and broke it off about three or four weeks ago, and I have been nothing but happy with my decision. This is the happiest I have been in a long, long time. I feel freer and more in control of my own life. However, when I think about this relationship, I feel horrible for having put up with all this **** for such a long time. When I talk to people, they tell me how happy they am for me and that at least now it's behind me. And I am happy about that too, but now I find myself being incredibly repulsed by the very idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone. Seriously, the very idea makes me sick, and even seeing a couple just makes me feel horrible. I feel as if my feelings will always be deceptive to me because I know the way I used to feel in the relationship - denying any negative things that happened, being so infatuated and in love, etc etc - and now I hate myself almost for spending so much time with him, loving him, and putting up with all of that, never even realizing how bad it all was. I feel like I can't trust my own feelings anymore because I'm so afraid something like this will happen again. I mean, I guess I've learned from this experience, but I can't help but be afraid.

I know this was a bunch of rambling, but I hope it made at least a bit of sense.

Posts: 255 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Roxie: I know, to the degree you've shared here, how rough this relationship has been on you. I also know that doesn't always make it any less hard to leave, so good for you for taking care of yourself in this way.

You know, right after a breakup, especially also after a long relationship that wasn't beneficial to you, it makes sense not to have interest in getting into something else right away.

It also makes sense for you to feel worried about winding up in something bad again: after all, you know how it can happen and how much it can suck.

But honestly, we do live and learn. Often, we only really do fully learn about things like choosing and negotiating relationships, and processing them, with actual experience. This is one of those things where what we can learn in the abstract is just really limited.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3