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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » feeling like a bad girlfriend

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Author Topic: feeling like a bad girlfriend
Prozac
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So lately, my boyfriend and I have been spending a lot of time together -- but we've also been spending a lot of time on the internet while we're together. Like we'll just sit on his couch next to each other and do leg pretzels while we're on our separate computers and we'll talk to each other in person and online as well as talk to other people simultaneously.

Maybe I read too much Cosmo, but I feel like I'm supposed to be constantly dazzling my boyfriend with my beauty, wit, and charm (not to mention creative sex moves), and that doing this -- just hanging out on the computer -- is making me a bad girlfriend. But I LOVE doing it with him, because it's just so... COMFORTABLE. Like I feel totally relaxed and at ease and I'm enjoying myself at the same time while we're doing this. Which is not to say I don't enjoy spending time with him OFF the computer -- we do a lot of that, too -- I'm just wondering, am I a bad girlfriend for being on the computer while I'm supposed to be hanging out with my boyfriend?

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CSandSourpatch
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From the sound of it, not at all! If you're both enjoying the time you spend together, no matter how you're spending it, that's really all that matters. [Smile]

As to Cosmo, it's definitely not the be-all-end-all when it comes to relationship advice, because there's no one "right" way to have a relationship. (One parody I've seen on the internet quite aptly titled it "Overanalyzing".)

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I agree! It sounds like maybe you need to get hold of some better material to read. I know that even reading stuff I disagree with can have an impact on how I'm feeling.

It sounds like your boyfriend is enjoying himself too. A girlfriend who's falling over herself posing and trying to 'charm' (whatever that is) might be the complete opposite of what he wants.

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Haleigh H
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Prozac,

I second CSandSourpatch, nobody knows your relationship better than you do, and certainly not Cosmo [Smile] Remember Cosmo is in the business to sale magazine and make money, not to give the best/most accurate relationship advice.

Something else that might be helpful is to check in with your boyfriend and see how he feels about it. You may be worrying about something that hasn't even crossed your boyfriends mind. He may really love that your not doing the things suggested in Cosmo. Reading minds is impossible and can be really stressful, the only way to know for sure how he feels is to ask him. Here is a conversation all about communication, Tough Conversations.

On a personal note, there are lots of times when my partner and I are relaxing on the couch, all intertwined, totally into what we are doing on our phones or computers and just the physical closeness feels awesome. It's one of my favorite ways to feel connected.

What do you think?

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Haleigh

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Prozac
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Thanks for the input! I did ask my boyfriend how he felt about us just hanging out on our computers, and he was like, "I really love it; it feels like we're getting closer without even trying," and I feel the exact same way! So I guess I'm not doing anything wrong after all. :)

And yeah, I probably read too much Cosmo. I try not to take it seriously but you know how when you read something often enough, you start to believe it? I think I should take a break from Cosmo... and start reading Scarleteen!!! MUAHAHAHA.

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Haleigh H
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"Getting closer without even trying," I love it!

It's hard not to get sucked into Cosmo, or any media for that matter. I think Scarleteen is a nice substitute [Smile]

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Haleigh

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Prozac
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I LOVE Cosmo. I started reading it for the entertainment value, and then when I started having sex I noticed they had sex tips and I actually started taking the magazine seriously. I have discovered time and time again that doing some of the tips in Cosmo (a lot of which are incredibly unsafe) don't turn out well, but I still can't stop myself from reading it -- it's just so entertaining. But I need to realize that Cosmo basically talks about fantasy sex, not real-life sex.
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Haleigh H
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It sounds like your already on the road to realizing that it's more about fantasy than reality [Smile] I try to read everything with a critical eye and judge if what I'm reading makes sense and sits well with me. It's not always easy [Big Grin]

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Haleigh

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I think we can think of it even as something different from fantasy... because that's not my fantasy. I'm searching for the right word but "normatively idealised" is the best I can come up with.

I'm sure we can do better than cosmo when it comes to unrealistic fantasies! But at normatively idealised sex I'm not sure I could compete.

On the other hand I haven't actually read it, and I just know the 'type' of journalism. I have been told that there can be awesome articles in magazines like that sometimes.

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