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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » worried I hurt my boyfriend

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Author Topic: worried I hurt my boyfriend
Member # 103671

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Hi everyone. Tonight I was hanging out with my boyfriend. I'd had a bad day (nothing to do with him), and I also had some things on my mind about our relationship. I ended up saying some passive-aggressive things to him that were true but ended up sounding a lot harsher than I'd meant it. I apologized and we talked it out briefly and ended on a good note, but I still feel bad.

I thought about texting him and apologizing, but some of the things I said were real and I don't want to pretend they don't matter. He also tries to move on after conflict, and I think he'd feel the same way about what happened tonight.

However, we're trying to learn to communicate better. I'd rather not do this over text, but I won't see him for a few days. We don't talk on the phone much, so I think a serious conversation on the phone would be awkward. Should I say something (now or later) or just drop it?

Posts: 32 | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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He likes to move on after conflict. What do you like to do or want to do? That is, what would you like to happen after there's a conflict?

Would you also like to talk about more effective ways of communicating?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 103671

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I like to move on as soon as I know the conflict is over, but I also tend to worry about things long after they're not an issue any more.

Recently I've been stressed out about school and sometimes those frustrations affect me when I hang out with my friends. I also keep convincing myself that "it's not a big deal." So eventually I have nights like last night, where everything bubbles up. Suggestions on how I could get better? Thanks!

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Patricia H
Member # 103815

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By all means, speak up and say something. Oftentimes, as well as our partners may know us intimately in relationships, they cannot -- and should not -- read our minds. That being said, if something is bothering you, bring it up; a good relationship is a safe and non-judgemental place for you to ask and talk about anything, no matter how minor or silly. There is a good chance your partner may also have issues he wants to talk about as well.

Scarleteen has a couple of resources/articles I'd be happy to leave you with as possible tools to help you and your partner improve communication in your relationship; if I may insert a personal anecdote, I like doing periodic "check ups" on my relationship, where I would sit down with my partner and initiate a customer satisfaction survey-like conversation where I ask my partner how I'm doing, what can we improve on in our relationship, and the like; the answers we get from each other and exchange are useful, because if nothing else, they allow us to touch bases for a moment and make sure we're both on the same page. This was something I picked up from Scarleteen when I was a user some years ago. [Smile]

I hope I was able to answer your question(s) and help you.

Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup?
Hello Sailor! How to Build, Board, and Navigate a Healthy Relationship

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

Posts: 234 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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