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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Abusive Friend

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Author Topic: Abusive Friend
fibbonacci42
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Member # 95260

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My sister has a ‘friend,’ K, who is more analagous to an abusive partner than a real friend. K harasses my sister through texts, tells her that she isn’t healthy and sends her to the nurses office, tries to cut off her other friendships, and threatens suicide or self harm if my sister doesn’t do what K wants. It is hard to help my sister because she believes K is a true friend, and only wants to help her. She says K is abused and doesn’t mean what she does to her, but I don’t think that justifies K destroying my sister’s life. I see my sister go from happy and upbeat to crying and panic stricken in an instant from hurtful texts K sends, almost every day. Recently they had a spat where K prevented my sister from joining lacrosse, which my sister really wanted to do. A friend of my sister confronted K, and as a result K shouted at my sister, swore to never talk to her again, and got a mutual ‘friend’ to call her a baby. My sister was despondent, but seemed to realize K was being unfair. Now that K has forgiven her for this “terrible crime” my sister seems happy, but I can’t help but think it will only repeat. This cycle is destroying my sister’s mental health, and I can’t see how to fight it because my sister is on K’s side, and any action taken against K I fear will drive my sister farther from me and closer to her. This seems like ordinary girl drama except that K really is making my sister so miserable that schoolwork and hobbies are falling by the wayside as my sister spends all day texting K. K has forbidden my sister from trying to take legal action about the abuse K alleges is happening in her family. My inclination is to report her parents to child services anyways, in the faint hope that my sister is right and these problems are stemming from abuse and if that is fixed K will stop destroying my sister’s life. Is that a moral course of action, and is there anything else I can do?
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi fibbonacci42,

I actually think that it would be more sound to talk to *your* parents/guardian about what's going on with your sister. There really isn't a lot you can do about K, and since your sister is your primary concern, it makes more sense, from where I sit, to start with things that will directly connect to, and hopefully help her.

So, is there an adult in your life, a parent/guardian or another family member, a teacher or school counsellor, with whom you feel comfortable discussing this?

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Robin

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fibbonacci42
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My parents know as much as I do, but they don't know what to do either. Would it be productive to talk to a school counselor myself?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Maybe you AND your parents could do that together?

Or -- or additionally -- have her parents talked to K's parents about this?

Calling child services is a very serious thing that can have a big impact on a family, including any of the children within it. I'd advise your parents seeing what they can find out about her parents -- like by trying to talk to them about K's behaviour -- to see if they get any sense of abuse before making that call.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fibbonacci42
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Member # 95260

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Thanks, I wasn't really thinking straight when I suggested that. One thing that's certain is I shouldn't make any decisions about this while mad. My parents have met her parents and didn't see any signs of abuse, K has lied about other matters to manipulate sis's sympathy so it's probably not a good course of action.
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