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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Privacy... Oh the Frustration

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Author Topic: Privacy... Oh the Frustration
KoiFish
Neophyte
Member # 102511

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the past few days I have been talking to my mother a lot about me and my boyfriend getting privacy somehow, like at least being able to close my door when he is over, but she has been acting like I am being completely ridiculous by asking for this, and I am starting to get kind of frustrated with her. She just kind of blows me off whenever I talk to her about it. She says that when she was a teenager she never got any privacy at home (but she also lived in a huuuge family so thats understandable) and she repeatedly says "you know, we live there too, we can't just stop living" even though I am not like asking her to like get out or soemthing. She asks me "so what are you guys going to have sex when we are home??" and well no i wouldn't ever do that because thats just weird to me... She keeps suggesting that I should go "parking" which just really freaks me out. I have no desire to get caught doing anything by some random person or the police! I told her this, and she was just like "well all they do is tell you to leave" and I'm like ._. I don't know what to do it feels like she is just refusing to even listen to me. And it is really frustrating because I can't enjoy doing anythinggg at all with my boyfriend because of worrying about them walking by my room and seeing us making out or something and how everyone always makes comments to me about "oh it got really quiet in there" or my dad asking me if i was being "frisky" after my boyfriend leaves and idk. And when I take my boyfriend home my dad sets a time limit for how long I can be gone. And my boyfriend lives kind of far away from my house so even if we did ever want to go "parking" (not that I probably ever would) we wouldn't even have the time. This is just getting to be really annoying for both of us and I don't know what to do because I have no one to talk to that isn't a teenager or that I trust to talk to about this kind of stuff....
Posts: 11 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, what it's sounding like to me, in all you're reporting her saying here is that she is saying:
• SHE is uncomfortable with giving you two time alone in your house
• She, perhaps, is uncomfortable being permissive about anything sexual as your parent in the house, though doesn't seem to be saying she's uncomfortable with you being sexual (thus, the suggestion to "park," which I agree with you, isn't a safe choice)
• She perhaps feels the way she was raised around this was the right way, and wants to do what her parents did in this respect

That all given, I wonder if you can't try to change the conversation a bit here and have some more success.

Like, perhaps, talking about how she was raised, and asking if she feels that was the right way, or the best way, even though, for example, it'd be a lot safer for you to be able to kiss at home than on the street in a car?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KoiFish
Neophyte
Member # 102511

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Okay I will try that, thanks
Posts: 11 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sure thing. If you want to come back again after you have, and still feel like this conversation is just full of road blocks, I'd be happy to keep brainstorming other approaches to it with you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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