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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Flirting and sex

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Author Topic: Flirting and sex
Member # 102586

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So I just started dating a boy a few months ago. We have been friends since we were babies though, so obviously I have known him a long time. Anyways we were horsing around and wrestling, fully clothed might I add, when he started tickling me. No big deal. But what ended up happening was I unexpectedly had a BIG orgasm (which was SO embarrassing) and he pulled away when he noticed and walked off, though I could see he had an erection. Now he is vaguely hinting that we should "take things further" but when I press him he clams up. I am OK with sex if that is what he means but I just want him to say it! Why won't he talk to me?
Posts: 24 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi Jess! Unfortunately, although we're all very talented here, we're not actually mind-readers so we can't say what he means with his "hints" or why he won't have a straightforward discussion about the issue! [Smile] However, your best bet would be to ask HIM, since he's the expert on how he feels and why he does things; and it'll also open the door to starting those kinds of discussions. Part of a healthy relationship is being able to communicate openly and honestly, so that's an important step for you to make.

We have an article all about talking about sex/sexuality with a partner (and many aspects of it can be applied to non-sex-centred communication as well) that I think will be able to help you with this:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 102586

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Hey OnionPie thanks for responding. So today I pressed Josh (my previously mentioned boyfriend) for more information and he said he didn't want to have sex yet but he did say we could do "other things". When I asked what THAT meant he suggested we could do mutual masturbation or a 69. While this is fine (and we had fun with the mutual masturbation today) I was excited to lose my v-card! I thought boys were always open to sex. Did I do something wrong or is he just the only boy on Earth without a one track mind?
Posts: 24 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The idea that all boys or men want to have any kind of sex available to them isn't real: it's a stereotype, and not one that reflects that there is just as much sexual diversity among men and there is among anyone else.

That stereotype also suggests that boys and men are always ready for sex, while girls and women might not be ready, when in truth, ANYONE can feel or not feel ready for any given kind of sex. Just like anyone can want, or not want, any given kind of sex at a given time.

So, no, you probably didn't do something wrong, but also no: he isn't anything close to the only boy on earth who doesn't want anything sexual that might be available to him at a given time. [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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