Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Want to Move Out

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Want to Move Out
copper86
Peer Ambassador
Member # 95710

Icon 1 posted      Profile for copper86     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello,

I know that another topic has been made regarding this, so I apologize if users might feel like this is redundant.

A few things have happened in my home that have made me really want to move out. A few arguments with my mom - and one in particular that really hurt my feelings - has made me realize that I need to stop acting juvenile and at least attempt to show them I'm an adult. I know moving out due to arguments is silly and that is not the only reason why I want to leave - I just think it's time I assert my independence and try to get out of this rut I'm in. I hate not having a job or a car and at least having a job would make me feel like more of an adult.

I've been looking at apartments to rent, and even bachelor apartments are fine. Some of the rates are okay, and I do have some money saved for at least first and last month's rent (potentially); but I'm on a waiting list for an apartment building nearby. I'm going to take stronger charge of looking for work and trying to move out, but I'd be lying if I stated that I wasn't scared or nervous. I've lived off-campus before in another city but my parents were helping me with rent. I've never truly been on my own. It scares me but I want to do it. And it's not like I'd move out tomorrow - I need to find a job and save more money so I can afford a few months of rent and phone and utilities; and I actually need to find a place. I don't really want a roommate as I'd done that in school with mixed results. If anyone has any advice or input, I'd really appreciate it.

--------------------
"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Personally, I think living apart from your family would probably be a very good thing for you.

Practically and realistically-speaking, I'd say that in my experience, very few people are able to have the first place they live away from home be their own place, alone. That's simply something that economically, very few people will be able to afford, even with a job, unless it's something that pays pretty darn well and has an awful lot of job security. And that's not a situation most people find themselves in in their early 20s.

So, my own best advice with this is to look into a housemate or more than one housemate. Financially, that's often a necessity, but especially if you also feel scared about living on your own, that can be an awfully good stepping-stone to getting more on your own in time.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
copper86
Peer Ambassador
Member # 95710

Icon 1 posted      Profile for copper86     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Heather!

I do see your point about job security and not being able to afford a place on my own. I'm just really not wanting a roommate. I'm not sure who I would even ask to move with me, as most of my friends here are with partners and are either living with them or are not wanting to live with someone else. I'm stuck in a sense. If I was in my university town, I'd have a lot more options; but I want to stay in my family's city as I don't want to alienate them completely and I want a job in this area. And my friends live here, too.

I'm frustrated about this. I even thought off and on about living with my brother, but that would NOT work; especially since I'd be doing all the cleaning and we have different lifestyles (though I love him to death). I do have some money saved up, and I'm even wondering if I could get by with two jobs, but I don't think that could happen. I guess I just really want out, but it's something that won't happen for a while.

I'm scared of the idea of living alone, but I really enjoy being by myself and doing my own thing; so I'm not sure if it'll just be an adjustment period and I'm just nervous about change. I usually like being home alone or living alone for a few days (like I had done when my roommate was home sick for a few days during the school year), but I guess I'll have to just wait and see. I guess it all depends on the type of job I get. If I can get a job in my field that paid well, I'd feel more secure about being on my own. Once I start making tracks on the job front, maybe this will be clearer for me.

--------------------
"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I hear you, I just really have a hard time imagining who, but a very tiny minority, is in the financial position in their early 20s -- especially before they not only have a solid job, but have had one for a while -- to live on their own.

I mean, if personal anecdote helps, I swung it a few times in my life, but here are some various situations of how:
• I lived in a TINY studio in a horrible neighborhood and my housemates were a large family of roaches, and I also slept with mace next to my bed for when people -- as they did more than once -- tried to break in from the street
• I lived alone in the school I ran as a business, but my living space was a bed that I put in my office that was off the classroom space.
• I took a gig as the super for the building I lived in on top of the two other jobs I had to pay all my bills.
• I lived in a basement place that wasn't really even meant to be a place, as it had a concrete floor, no heat and no security. To even work that, I still nannied sometimes for the family that rent it to me.

Basically, I think it goes like this: it might be doable to start by living on your own, maybe, but there are going to be trade-offs no matter how you slice it.

I confess, this is a generational thing I've run into before, and it loses me every time. This idea of being able to do this economic thing mot people in the world of ANY age can't do. And I think the lack of realism in that is shown up by how many people wind up still living with their parents in their 20s and 30s because they keep holding out for the ability to do something that is rarely economically feasible, you know?

So, here's my advice: figure out how important moving out is to you. if you want to do it, think about how it's truly doable for you. If your choice is between roommates who are peers and roommates who are your parents, weight the pros and cons of those different scenarios and figure out which sounds better to you. same goes with if you only see your options as living with your folks or living totally on your own, especially since the latter will likely involve a wait of at least a few years unless you're cool with something like living on your own, but in a pretty crappy way.

There are plenty of different ways to find roommates, btw, and also ways to make a housemate situation work in terms of things like each of you being able to have the place to yourself sometimes. Like most things in life, it's just a situation to plan and figure out how to manage well.

[ 01-23-2013, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3