Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend and Ex Troubles

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Boyfriend and Ex Troubles
LookingForHerPeterPan
Neophyte
Member # 96357

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LookingForHerPeterPan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Recently I have been talking to this guy. My friend introduced me to him in November, and we really hit it off. So, now he's my boyfriend. My ex, who contacts me regularly, says ( about a month into my new relationship) that he still has feelings for me, and that he still loves me. I was frustrated one day with my boyfriend because he did something that kinda made me mad, so I was talking with my ex and said something to the fact of potentially breaking up with my boyfriend. So now he thinks I'm single.

Due to the fact that my current boyfriend live about a half hour away and is younger than me, without any mode of transportation to get to me, we barely see each other ( roughly once a month). We text all day and Skype frequently, but it's not the same. My ex just recently got a Skype account so we chat on there, and the one day we made plans to hang out.

He was kinda quiet at first, but eventually warmed up to being with me again. We hadn't seen each other (physically) in about 6 months. He kissed me. Which led to making out. Which then led to having sex in his car. I think in his mind now, we're back together or something. But my friend informed me that he's still "in a relationship" with his supposed girlfriend of 1 month. The thing is, he told me she wasn't his girlfriend. But if its on Facebook and she's posting all this sappy stuff with him in it, then who am I supposed to believe, you know.

Back to my current boyfriend. I really care for him, but it's driving me nuts that I pretty much cheated on him. He's saying things like " you're the best girlfriend in the whole world". And I know I'm not because that girl wouldn't have sex with her ex.

I guess. Since I can't bring this up with any of my friends or family, what am I supposed to do? Go on like its nothing, or set them both straight. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I guess that's the price to pay. Help?

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi LookingForHerPeterPan,

It sounds like you're pretty unhappy with the way things are right now, on a number of levels, so yes, something very likely has to give.

It also sounds like there have been a lot of crossed lines of communication, and that's likely to only get more tangled as time goes on.

Ideally, what do you want right now? What would help you feel like everything is sorted out, and to also feel happy? You mention not wanting to hurt anyone, but it already sounds like *you* are hurting.

What do you think is the first step to untangling things?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LookingForHerPeterPan
Neophyte
Member # 96357

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LookingForHerPeterPan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You are correct with your first two statements. And truthfully, I don't know what i want at this point. My ex and I were together for over a year, And we have so much history. So it's hard to walk away from your first love. And just stop everything cold turkey. But on the other hand, my boyfriend and I have been together for a couple months, and I mean. Yes we know each other, and were comfortable with each other, but not to the extent that I was with my ex. But things like that take time, of which I am aware.

When I was with my ex, I could have prevented everything that happened. I could have stopped him when he kissed me, and things wouldn't have escalated. But.. I didn't. And I don't know if subconsciously I want *him* or. I honestly don't know why I didn't.

I think to sort everything out, I have to physically tell my boyfriend what happened. And my ex that I'm still with my boyfriend. But for that to happen, I'll most likely lose them both. My boyfriend for cheating. And my ex for not being straight up with him. Which sucks, because the entire thing is a lose-lose situation. And my ex happens to be my best (guy) friend.

The result of that ^ is definitely not going to make me happy. I mean. Not that I have the right. Everything is my fault. And it kinda scares me, to think of what the out come would be. Which is why I'm not so fond of the idea of talking to them about it. But if I don't then I'm stuck where I am now. So. I'm not sure.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You mentioned above that you don't get to see your boyfriend very often. It could well be that you responded to your ex's sexual interest with intrest of your own because you miss having close and frequent physical proximity to a partner.

problems really don't tend to go away on their own. It sounds like you do want to tell them, and to not keep this to yourself. Am I understanding that correctly?

It does suck that you may well lose both guys as friends. That's only one scenario though, as we really can't predict how either one of them will react or what they'll want to do.

What do you feel like you need in order to tell both of them? For example, I'd suggest telling each of them in person. How possible is that?

Having said that, I do want to check in with you about how likely you think it is that either of them will respond violently. You're going to be telling them something that you're expecting them not to like, and I want to make sure that you're safe in doing so.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LookingForHerPeterPan
Neophyte
Member # 96357

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LookingForHerPeterPan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, I've only kissed my boyfriend due to distance and not seeing each other frequently. So what you said about both my exs and my own sexual interest sounds right.

I do want to tell them. Because if I keep it to myself I will most likely go nuts.

Telling them both in person, would be fairly hard to do. My current boyfriend has no way of coming here, and I just got my license so my parents are still baby-ing me and aren't comfortable with me going that far of a distance by myself. And they would not take me. My ex though could possibly come here, but it's rare that our "alone time" schedules line up. And by that, I mean his mother hated me when we dated, so it's not like I can just show up out of the blue. And after we broke up, it's not so much my mother, but my dad does not want him in the house. He doesn't even want me to have contact with him, but that's not his choice. So my ex coming over here would have to be when my parents are gone, or vice versa.

My boyfriend, would most likely be emotionally hurt. He would never do anything to react in violence. My ex though, it's not that he would react violently, but he is bipolar. So if he didnt take his meds before I came to tell him, I'm not sure how it would be. He wouldn't lay a hand on me, but maybe yell or like. I don't know. Throw things? I've never experienced these types of reactions though, because if I've said something it was in the past when all we had was texting. And he told me what he did afterword. I think I would be okay though. If any of this makes sense.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So maybe for you sending an email (where you can think about and organize what you say) might be more do-able than meeting in person? What do you think?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LookingForHerPeterPan
Neophyte
Member # 96357

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LookingForHerPeterPan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's easier to do. I would agree.
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Best of luck with this. Let us know if you need any help or support around this or anything else that comes up from it.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LookingForHerPeterPan
Neophyte
Member # 96357

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LookingForHerPeterPan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you.
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3