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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Breakup Pain

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Author Topic: Breakup Pain
Member # 103361

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Last Saturday, my boyfriend of eight months broke up with me. I hurt a lot, and I don't know how to stop.

I can't stop thinking about all the great stuff that happened with him. Our relationship was so incredibly positive-- there was never a cross word between us. His relationship encouraged me to improve myself in so many ways. I own lots of things he gave me, he introduced me to some of my favorite games and shows, and my love for the city I live in is intrinsically tied to my love for him. I was (and still am) so completely and totally committed to him, but he doesn't love me anymore. We're still very close friends, and I still love seeing him, and he has done a lot to reassure me that he still cares about me even without romantic feelings.

I have loads of coping methods and techniques for dealing with my grief and depression, and while those things do alright at stopping me from doing foolish things (like self-harming or burdening my friends or saying things to him that I shouldn't) nothing seems to actually make me feel any better. I have a constant ache in my chest and I haven't eaten for days. I feel so low that it's hard to function and finish out my schoolwork for the semester.

I just want to stop feeling so horrible so that I can go back to enjoying my life and his company. So many other things are going so very, very right for me, but none of them give me any security or happiness the way he did. I just can't enjoy anything for any significant amount of time. This sucks.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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My sympathies, pooperdoodle. [Frown]

I assume you've already looked at this:

If not, it might be helpful to you.

You know, I'd say less than a week after a breakup like this, chances are you are still going to be feeling pretty crappy. I also often have to explain to people my age, who've forgotten, that I think teen and young adult relationships have a sort of dog years thing going on. While 8 months may not seem like that long to someone in their 40s, I think when you're a couple decades younger, 8 months can feel more like a couple years.

I do wonder if you've taken some space from him since the breakup? If not, that might help a good deal, just because having a separation without actually having any separation can sometimes hurt a lot more in a lot of ways. Kind of like -- though certainly more serious than this -- craving a cookie, and having them in the house, but out of reach, where you've got to look at them, but you can't actually have one.

Are you also just really allowing yourself to feel the grief that you're experiencing: like, really digging into it rather than trying to feel better right now? If not, that helps sometimes, too.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi pooperdoodle,

I wanted to second Heather's suggestion to take some time away from your ex. I have been in a situation where a former partner really did want to remain friends and we were able to do so, but it was REALLY helpful to have space away from them.
We tried to stick to our normal routine of watching tv together, eating in the dining hall before classes, etc. and I think that made it a lot harder for me to deal with the breakup at first. After a while, getting back into those habits didn't hurt as much, but it took a few months for me to get to that point. And my ex understood and was willing to give me that space in hopes that we'd be able to maintain our friendship in the future.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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