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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » way past our expiration date??

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Author Topic: way past our expiration date??
Pixiie
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Member # 53705

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me and my ex have been together since 12th grade we are now in our 2nd yr of college btw we are at the same college both 8 hrs away from home and did i mention the campus is small...yikess... we broke up b4 we left for school about a month b4 because we were both scared. but before that we were so insync so in love and intuned close to eachothers families he wanted to tell the world about me the sweetest to me as if i were a princess. i lost my viginity to him my first everything. as we got to college we formed this on and off "thing" i admit i attached alot more feelings to him being in a new environment and me knowing him since i was 14 i wanted so bad to be his again and to get our special thing back i thought he felt the same so we would fool around ...me stupidly thinking it would lead to a relationship working backwards ...he would be all over me behind closed doors but not know me in public turns out that wasnt the case for him . i was heart broken felt like someone repeatedly pierced my heart with a knife. that was first semester. second semester i was on my i dont care about him flow and i was doing greatt until valentines day when he poured his heart out to me and said he wanted to work towards something more. music to my ears, the cycle continues gave him the goods, he would call, wouldnt text only made time for sex. i didnt want that to be all that we were about or had left but i stayed becuz i thought one day it will get better. he still didnt know how to acknowledge me in public as if i wasnt the girl he been crushing on since he was 14 his first love first gf. he rejected me once more at the end of our freshman yr. i really thought i was gonna die! sophomore yr first semester this time i really dont care what he does or have any interest in being with him im now able to look at other guys flirt with them and sleep with them i was back to myself happy go lucky not depressed everyday like my freshman yr. but somehow he eased his way back into my heart and thats when i noticed he never left all those guys i flirted with and the 3 i had sex with was to try to get over my ex so he could no longer be the only one ive ever been with,,, i gave him another chance even knowing in my heart this time wont be different and that love we had i cant rekindle. i feel he only lust for me and confuses it with love at one point he did really love me and i him but if i know were not gonna work or shouldnt be together why do i keep going back and how do i stop myself from going back......sorry this is so much

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Pixiee

Posts: 59 | From: brooklyn | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cricket
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Member # 96015

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Hi Pixiie!
It sounds like you've been through a lot and I'm sorry to hear that you've had to deal with so many feelings for a guy who has not treated your needs and emotions respectfully and seems interested in you only when your interactions happen on his terms.

You seem to have a really clear handle on the fact that being close to him can hurt you emotionally and that his feelings for you aren't everything you wish they were. Just being aware that you deserve better and that going back to him has not served you well in the past is a big positive step for you to make in your own self-care. Give yourself credit for that - a strong part of you can sense what is best and emotionally safest for you, and you're working on listening to that very well. Keep up the great work!

In terms of keeping yourself from going back, I'd encourage you to think about the things you're involved in at college that aren't related to him. What hobbies do you have? Involvement in hobbies could help comfort and relax you when you feel stressed about your ex. How are your classes? Doing well in school can help remind you of your strength and value separate from him. What's your friend group like? Do you have trusted friends who are NOT mutual friends of your ex who you could go to for support on this? Having someone to check in with when you're feeling drawn back in by him could be helpful.

Also, spending time with friends can be a good way to remind yourself of how good and fulfilling it is to be around folks who respect you as a whole person and are honest with you about why and how much they like you, things your ex has not consistently done. Think about what it feels like to be close to people you can respect and trust - the friendships you have, and the potential romantic relationships you can form with people who honor your many dimensions as a human being. What do you enjoy and value about your friends? What friendship-like values would you like to see in your potential dating partners?

I'd also encourage you to seek out whatever counseling and support services your college campus has to offer. Talking to a trained counselor who has experience with guiding people through the stresses associated with college life might be useful to you, and someone who works for your college will have more insight on what kinds of on-campus support services are on offer than I can possibly give. You've done a great thing for yourself by seeking support on handling the stresses in your life, and I wish you the very best.

Posts: 62 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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