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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Confused & Ignored

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Author Topic: Confused & Ignored
Member # 96153

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I really wanted your help with this, i don't know what to do.

I've been with this guy for a long time, he recently moved to america for university. So, we were doing long distance. Just two weeks ago he kept saying he couldn't wait to come back and see me. All of a sudden, his last words were " i'll talk to you later? since you're at ur friends party? x "and that was it. Hence that was on november 15nth. So i keep questioning myself, what is he doing? who is he with? I keep over-thinking. I blew up in his face though, i was so angry because he wouldn't reply. So i said stuff like what are you doing etc? he replied with "I'm going to bed, not gonna listen to this" I admit, maybe I was a bit too harsh.. but it wouldn't hurt to just answer me..

After that, I would try talking to him and nothing. He won't answer, and till today nothing. And, he's coming back in seven days..

I really don't know what to do.. I've called, sent him messages and he wouldn't reply.. yet I know he checks his phone since it says on whatsaap when the last time he was on it.
He has never done this before, I don't know what to do.. [Frown]

please help! thank you!

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2297

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Hi Mangovista,

I'm sure you know that long distance can be tricky to manage. It involves a lot of trust and hard work on both sides. You've also got the transition to university to consider (which for many people is their first foray as independent adults). During that time people generally have a lot of new experiences and get to know themselves more deeply. And, naturally, the person they're becoming isn't necessarily going to be the same as the one they've been in the past.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend is probably enjoying his new found freedom. I don't mean that he is cheating on you, more that there is a lot for him to experience and he may not have had the time to put energy into his relationship with you. Of course, that isn't fair on you, and you really have no way of knowing how he's feeling if he won't communicate. I think it's quite possible that by blowing up at him, you pushed him away and perhaps cemented in his mind that long distance wasn't for him.

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and try and tell him honestly how you feel (possibly via text if he won't take your calls), and try and arrange to meet up and have a serious talk about where your relationship is headed when he is in town. Try and set some clear boundaries and protocols like how often you should speak, what you would be uncomfortable with him getting up to (you will probably have to compromise).

Finally, I wouldn't recommend pretending like nothing happened. There are clearly some things that need to be discussed if you're going to make the long-distance relationship work.

Hope that helps,


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 96153

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thank you SO much.
you helped tons! thank you:)
i'll let you know if anything happens [Smile] x

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 96153

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I'm back..
i've texted him, and he has seen my message and not replied. Right now, i'm just upset and tired. I'm tired of trying to contact him when he just won't reply. It's so hard because we've been together for almost 6 years now and he hasn't ever done this.. I know right now he's pretty depressed because he's in america, new life, new friends and he misses everyone here. But it shouldn't make him ignore my messages for two weeks?

I fake a smile at school, i'm so sad because i've been waiting 4 months just to see him.

A part of me is telling me to let go, i want to meet someone new, I'm leaving to america next year, fresh start. A part of me says hold on. I mean, i love him, he's my first love and I'll always have something for him. Do you ever get over your first love?

But, right now. I've deleted his number, everything. I've tried so hard in trying to contact him and he hasn't even put in the slightest effort..

I just feel like if we EVER do bump into each other that we'll get those feelings again..

i can't keep trying to text him, or call because he's just not gonna answer, he hates it if i ignore him and he tells me that too. He even told me that he was sorry for not keeping in-contact with me while he was at uni because of his depression.. but he would keep talking to me every day..

That's why i'm confused..
I just want to be happy, how can I do that?

Sorry for my little rant, i just needed someone to talk to

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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