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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Move or Not?

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Author Topic: Move or Not?
Roxie102
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I've been wrestling with this decision for a while. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for the almost two years we've dated (2 hours away). I'm at college now in my first year, and next year, he'll be going to college about 4 hours away from mine. I've been thinking about transfering to a school in the same city as his that one of my friends goes to. She's told me I could live with her. I've lived with her before and we get along really well. His school is a military college, so he'd really only be free on the weekends, but I'm kinda tired of driving to see him or having him drive to see me. I know when he begins college there, he won't have a car, so if I stay at my current college, we'll hardly ever get to see each other. I like my college, and I like that it's close to my home, but I really don't have any friends here nor do I have a clear direction of what I want to do. We broke up once, and after we got back together, he told me he did it because he thought he wanted someone closer that he could see more often. I kinda feel that when he starts college, he'll just let me go so he won't have to deal with the distance. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I feel like if I don't move, I'll lose him.

Right now, I'm thinking about just waiting and taking next fall semester at my current college and letting him get adjusted to his, then deciding what to do. I mean, this all has me feeling really shitty. Oh, another thing, here, I'm wracking up lots of debt. The school I'd be transferring to is a public school, so I'd be paying lots less. I really don't know what to do. I haven't talked to him about this yet because he's still not sure what he's doing yet either - he's probably going to this college, but things are still up in the air. My friend thinks I should transfer, but I don't know. Honestly, I kind of just feel like dropping out.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Hey Roxie, it's nice to see you around here again [Smile] .

It seems to me like there are two main points you're worried about:

-deciding the all important "what-I-want-to-do-with-the-rest-of-my-life"

-figuring out whether or not it's worth moving schools to be closer to your boyfriend


To tackle the first problem, I'll say that I don't have much experience with deciding what to do with my life, but that I have applied to university, so I get how final and life altering these decisions can feel (and be).

Not knowing what you want to do is stressful, but do you get a sense of whether or not college will play into the role of your life on the grand scale? Can you see yourself happy in a job that requires a college degree, or one that doesn't?

If you decide to stick with college, do you feel like your current school is giving you, or in another program can give you, the experience you want and need? Are you enjoying the courses you are taking? The key to enjoying your life, at least the work part of it, is doing a job you enjoy, which means studying what you enjoy. Of course, you must be employable, but taking a course because there are really good jobs in that field, but loathing the course, is not going to make you happy.

On the other hand do you think that the other school could make you happier and provide you with better opportunities? There is a reason that you chose your current school over all others, so is that reason still true?


As per the second part, whether or not to move schools because of your boyfriend how do you feel about that? If you moved schools, but you and he broke up, how would that affect your life?

Just a few ideas to start you off, sorry if I rambled.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roxie102
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Good to see you too. [Smile]

Well, I mean, there's nothing specifically I want to do that would require a degree. I've always wanted to get into makeup, and college won't really help with that, so...the question is, take the leap or just stick around in college?

The school I'm at now is "better" than the other, but since the other is bigger and in a bigger city, I suppose there'd be better opportunities.

That last question you had there, that's what I'm stuck on. I know there's always the risk that we'll break up, if I move or not. The thing is, can our relationship be sustained if I stay here, or would we have better chances if I moved? Since I know distance has been a problem for him, I'm inclined to think the latter, but I'm not sure.

I'm leaning toward not making any decisions right now. I'll see how I feel at the end of next semester, and then think about it again, even though I'm leaning toward staying at least half of next year. Still, it's just hard to try not to think about this.

You know, now that I actually have the opportunity to move closer to him, whereas before I didn't, I feel kind of like it'd be stupid not to.

[ 11-27-2012, 07:21 PM: Message edited by: Roxie102 ]

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Well I have to disagree with you that it would be stupid not to. Be able to do something that may or may not be beneficial, even to do something that would without a doubt be beneficial, does not mean that one should or could do it.

There's no shoulds or should nots with any of this. It is a really big decision for you to make if you move schools, it will have a really big impact on YOU.

I hear (read) you saying a lot about how this potential move will benefit your boyfriend, or how it will benefit your relationship, but not how it will affect you. You're an important part of this equation too.

It sounds like staying at your current college is what you want to do for the immediate future, is that correct?

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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