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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parent Issues: Why I Can't See My Lover

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Author Topic: Parent Issues: Why I Can't See My Lover
Member # 63989

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I am 17, about to be 18. I still live at home with my devoutly Christian homophobic family. I am wiccan and have a bi boyfriend. He was my first and ever since I had sex with him they have done everything to keep us appart. It has been over a year and we're still together and hoping to get married when we're out of college and financaily ready. Until then we've done some sneeking around and getting caught. We can't have sex, be affectionate, or just be ourselves infront of or near my family. I tried to talk this over with them last summer, but they kicked me out of the house for three days (as seen on my post "Sex Doesn't Feel Good", and by the way, it still doesn't). So I cannot be alone with my boyfriend or just snuggle on the coutch... I feel very upset that in order to see the love of my life I have to jump through the hoops of someone elses moral code. Any ideas on how to talk to my parents or handle this?
Posts: 95 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It doesn't sound, unfortunately, like talking to your parents is likely to get you anywhere. They sound pretty unwavering with their position. [Frown]

Where else do/can you two spend time together besides your home?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 63989

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Ah, yeah. I talked to my mother yesterday night. It was a disaster and I think she is more adamant now that I proved her points to be stupid and wrong (like when she said that we cannot lay on the couch together because it leads to sex and we cannot control ourselves because we are hormonal. I quickly debunked these things. I also told her that the whole marrige issue was a lose lose situalion and to let it go, butnthat didn't fase her, nor did it when I called out her contradictory statements, falacies, and circular reasoning.)

My love and I can see each other at my house or his, provided someone is home and we have nothing that we could be doing/working on for the next week. That being said, those occations are rare. The onlly other way is to sneek around, which I don't like because if we get caught/in trouble for it than we get privileges taken from us and we can't see each other at all. Sex or physical intimacy is out of the question. I still don't feel good about sex (as discussed in my post "Sex Doesn't Feel Good"), but it no longer makes me ill or causes me pain (besides constant UTIs and discomfort during "orgazm" as disscussed in "Orgazm Is Uncomfortable, Not Pleasurable").

Posts: 95 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Member # 90293

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I'm sorry to hear that your discussion with your mother was so unpleasant. Unfortunately, plenty of people hold very tightly to their beliefs regardless of whether or not those beliefs are rooted in fact.

So, how do you feel about having your relationship be more about spending time together and talking, without the possibility of physical closeness? Do you feel like that can work for you right now?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 63989

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That has been what most of our relationship is at this point. We can't even really speak to each other freely and our time together is sparce and stressful. It's hard to relax and be together when your constantly being watched, judged, and ridiculed by my entire family. My mother has all my texts forwarded to her. All my internet is monitered by her. She can see and read everything I do and write. She can probably see this, or will find it eventually.
We want to be able to be genuine with each other and express our love in other ways, including physical ways. We think it's important to know each other and explore each other in any and every way.

Posts: 95 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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