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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Time to give up on Long Distance Relationship?

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Author Topic: Time to give up on Long Distance Relationship?
loveyoumake
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Member # 41194

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I've currently been in an LDR for about 7 - 8 months now, but before we were forced into an LDR we saw each other regularly (at college) and have been dating for just about 4 years now.

Currently being in an LDR has put a lot of added stress on our relationship, at least for me, because I make an effort to get a couple days off from work every month or so, so that we can see each other - which almost always involves me going to see him. I just don't feel like he is putting in the effort. When I tried to have a civilized, adult conversation (mostly about what is bothering me with our relationship) with him he just shuts down and will either A) hang up the phone on me. B) hang up the phone and shut it off. C) If we are actually together and trying to talk he will walk away or just not acknowledge me any further.

I am sick of being treated this way when I am just trying to get to the bottom of issues that we have while we are apart. Our communication is totally lacking and I don't know how to fix it. I honestly don't know what else I can do. I told him this last time that if we couldn't fix our communication issues, I honestly don't know how this is going to work.

By being in an LDR it has really shown me how he truly is as a person as well and as much as I love him, I am seeing that maybe a future of marriage - which we had talked about and were planning on somewhere in the near future - may not be something that I want anymore.

Has anyone ever been in an LDR?? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, this is the same person you were talking about previously in posts like this: http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/011203/p/1.html#000000 and this http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/010844/p/1.html#000000

If so, it seems to me that there has been a pattern of things being pretty problematic, well before you two shifted to long-distance. I'm not saying that as some sort of gotcha, I just think it's important to make sure that when we start talking about this, we're not assigning the problems to something (this being LD) that isn't where the problems actually lie.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
loveyoumake
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Yes, those 2 posts are about the same person. I guess I should have clarified that in the posts before we were in a long distance relationship for short amounts of time, such as during a winter break or summer break - so anywhere from 1 - 3 months.

Currently we are in a LDR until further notice. Once we finished college my boyfriends plan was to go home for the summer and then move back out to where we went to school. However, all of this changed and I don't even see him moving out here at all in the near future. He hasn't been searching for jobs either where he is now or out where he was supposed to have moved to. It's discouraging I guess because this isn't where I pictured myself at right now. I also feel like I am restricted because all this time where we aren't seeing each other I feel like I could at least be going out with other people and having a good time.

You're right in that I don't believe the LDR is the whole problem, but I definitely think it is a factor.

I am thinking that maybe a break would do us some good during this time seeing as though we aren't really communicating plus we aren't seeing each other.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay.

So, it seems to me that these kinds of problems have been pretty consistent throughout this relationship, and it doesn't sound like they've changed for the better or gotten resolved in any way.

And when I hear you saying things like that you could be dating other people, to boot, and that you feel restricted, all of this combined sounds a lot like you're feeling like this relationship is either pretty much over, or on its way there. What do you think about that?

It might help to take a look at this to help you evaluate where your relationship is at and how you're feeling about it: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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