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Author Topic: Why Do I Still Feel So Sad?
karibenitez
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Basically my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me unexpectedly 6 months ago.
He was my first everything and we even thought about getting married after college.
He gave me a promise ring and so much love.
When he broke up with me we had seen each other the day before and he even gave me a big teddy bear.
He called me and broke up with me over the phone unexpectedly.
I was devastated.
All the promises we had made to each other just flew away.
I found out after we broke up that he is a drug addict, an alcoholic, a huge liar, and that he also cheated on me.
I could not believe that for 3 years of having such a beautiful relationship he was doing all of that behind my back.
How could I not know about all of this for 3 long years?!
It's been 6 months and there hasn't been a day I don't think of him.
Why?
Most of the times I feel good but at night I'll think of him and our wonderful times and start to cry.
I looked at his Facebook a few minutes ago and now he's in a relationship with someone and I can't help but cry.
Why am I still sad after so long?
Why do I cry when he hurt me so so much after he broke up with me?
I feel like such a loser because it's been 6 months and I'm still hung up on such a cruel person. :'(
I need help please. :'(

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Robin Lee
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HI karibenitez,

It's not possible for us to know exactly why someone is sad, but from where I sit, it's understandable why you are. A whole lot of what you had planned for your life was tied up in your relationship. Plus, you spent six years with him. That's a lot of time. I suspect that what you're feeling is a huge sense of loss. It's going to take time to get used to life without him in it.

Our emotions aren't on-off switches. You may know logically that he lied to you and hurt you and that the relationship wasn't what you thought it was, but I suspect you're still grieving what you thought you had. There's nothing wrong with you, though I'm sure it hurts like anything and you'd like it to just go away.

I know it's truly tempting to want to know what an ex is up to now, but I think one of the things that will help you in the long-run is if you refrain from looking at his facebook in future. It's just hurting you more, from the sounds of it.


What kind of support do you have from friends and family? Do you have anyone you can confide in who can support you through this? How can we support you here?

--------------------
Robin

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karibenitez
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I wasn't with him for 6 years, just 3.
I only have 1 friend who's been with me since day 1 of the break up.
He's like my best friend now but I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit to my friend what I still feel. :'(

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Robin Lee
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HI karibenitez,

My apologies. I read your post carefully but had the number six stuck in my head. [Smile] Three years is still a long time. What do you think would happen if you told your friend that you're still having a really hard time with this?

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Robin

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Heather
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Getting over not only a first love -- and all the reality checking that involves, like learning that ideas we have when we're in that space about forever-love and marriage and all of that are most often feelings, not realistic plans or things that will happen -- AND over some very big betrayals IS something that's likely to take a long time. You two also had a pretty nasty breakup here, including blackmail being involved. This is rough freaking stuff. You're not a loser for having a hard time getting past it all and moving forward.

I'd suspect it's so big you might actually need some extra help with this, from more than just a friend. Might you be willing to look into the possibility of getting some help from a counselor?

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karibenitez
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@Robin Lee, well I do tell my friend that I have a hard time getting over this but sometimes I just keep it to myself. I'm afraid he'll think I'm dumb for not being able to forget this.

@Heather, yes I actually have thought about seeking a counselor but sometimes I feel like it might be unnecessary but I'm not sure. :'(

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Heather
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The cool thing about counseling is that if you ever feel it's not something you need, you can stop going.

I hear you saying you feel stuck and are really struggling to move forward from something in the past. That's probably one of the most common reasons people get counseling: to get some help getting unstuck, letting things go, and moving forward.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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karibenitez
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You're right. I just feel so stupid because I cannot forget him! He's such a bad person but I still think of us being together. :'(
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Heather
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It's not stupid.

It might also help to take a look at how getting caught up in feeling stupid about it isn't helping you. has it helped you move on? Nope. It's probably only held you back, because if you just keep judging those feelings, you can't really work through them. To work through hard feelings, any feelings, we have to start by just accepting we have them.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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karibenitez
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So I just have to accept myself and accept the feelings I still have for him?
I just-- I just feel that everyone moves on fast and I can't.
My guy friend that help me was going out with a girl for a year and he said she really broke his heart but he now has a new girlfriend and I don't understand how he can move on so fast.
I don't understand how my ex already has a new girlfriend and how she supposedly makes him so happy.
He used to tell me that!
He used to tell me I was his everything.
He used to tell me he was the happiest guy in the world.
Our love was real-- what happened?
I'm such a mess. :'(

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Heather
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Pro-tip: dealing with our own stuff is rarely helped by trying to think about what "everyone" experiences. Especially since there really is no universal everyone, with anything. Plus, this is about you. Even if every other person in the world (which isn't true: we've talked to plenty of folks over the years just here feeling like you are) moved on faster than you, that still wouldn't change the fact that you're having trouble right now.

What you do is accept what you're feeling and where you are: you still feel sad. You still miss being in the relationship you thought you were in with this person. You are upset that what you thought it was, who you thought it was with, wasn't. You are sad the dreams you had for this got dashed. You are feeling betrayed. You are having a tough time letting go.

These -- and probably more -- are all your truths right now. They're what-is.

To get to what's next, you have to just accept that's how you're feeling, feel through it, and then you can start work on letting some of this go.

For instance, I hear you holding on to things about this guy or this relationship you have since learned just weren't real or realistic, but based on lies or your own ideals or wants for reality. So, you can maybe spend less time focusing on what's past and trying to hold on to the idea that some stuff that was for real really wasn't and try and let go of that. Even just realizing how terribly sad you are and how bad you feel can be a reminder that this obviously wasn't a good thing in a whole lot of ways: if it was, it'd be a kind of sad that felt differently.

It might also help to maybe change how you're thinking about his new girlfriend: after all, chances are he'll treat her like she treated you. That's an awfully sad thing for her, while for you, you don't have to get maltreated or betrayed by this person anymore.

But again, I do think seeking out a counselor to help you with this would be a good thing. It does sound like you're stuck, and getting unstuck will probably take some qualified help.

[ 08-23-2012, 07:35 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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karibenitez
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I really liked your response Heather. It made me think a lot. I will see a counselor I promise. I want to feel free and happy.
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Heather
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You don't need to promise me: this is for you. You just need to consider if that might help, and if you think it might, then look into it for yourself.

[Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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karibenitez
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I think it's for the better of me.
I thought I was doing so well but a few weeks ago I started feeling blue again and just can't stop thinking of him at night.
I really was doing well.
Now I'm stressed with college work and feeling sad everyday.
I need help.
Thank you for helping me.
If I need more advice I'll come back.

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WesLuck
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If you read this thread again:

-lots of hugs- [Smile]

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karibenitez
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Thanks everyone! ^_^
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copper86
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I will definitely be thinking of you, Karibenitez. I know how you feel and it's a tough road to walk. But, I've found that focusing on homework, studying, and other things are often a big help. They kind of push your other stresses to the back burner for a bit and occupy your mind. Take some time to heal and do things that will make you happy - going for a walk, watching your favourite shows, hanging out with friends, whatever it is that makes you happy.

I'm a lot like you when it comes to these things and moving on. I usually fall very hard for guys and I find that getting over them is tricky. Self-care is really important, and I want you to know that you are certainly not alone: many people (myself included) take a while to heal; but it's your own time, and everyone heals at a different pace. Take the time you need to. I think you are a strong and courageous person, and that you will be okay. [Smile] I know how rough this is, but you can do it!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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WesLuck
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Wow, that was so wonderful and beautiful Copper!

-hugs for Copper too- [Smile]

[ 08-25-2012, 07:26 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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Jessica H.
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Just read through the whole thing and i know how you feel. 3 years is a long time and over that time it can become extremely serious and the period of loss after you break-up can be very long. There isn't a time limit where you should stop feeling sad, you'll stop in your own time and eventually you'll feel so much better. [Smile]

I was with my 'first love' 2 years ago in 2010 and i still occasionally think of that person even though we broke up early last year. When we first broke up I beat myself up about it thinking it was all my fault and i never stopped thinking about him and now i feel so much better and i still have occasional thoughts of him and i think about all the memories we had.

The key is to concentrate on your studies like copper86 said and to occupy yourself with hobbies. Eventually you will feel better about the whole thing and all you'll think about is the happy memories. I'm living proof. [Smile]

I hope this has helped and my apologies if it hasn't.

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WesLuck
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No need to apologise. [Smile] You are not getting paid, after all. [Wink]
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karibenitez
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I'm sorry everyone. :'(
Me and him started talking again this whole week.
He was being extremely sweet and nice and it made my heart confused.
On Thursday night he told me that he'd love to be back with me again.
I felt confused and that gave me hope. :')
Then Friday morning I wake up and he tells me he'd never come back to me.
I feel as though he stabbed my heart again.
I feel as low as I did when he broke up with me.
I was feeling so happy and then this happened.
I can't stop crying and don't know what to do.
I feel like I'll never be able to love again, I feel like no one will ever be able to replace him.
Yes he is a horrible person but why do I still love him after everything he's done to me?
Will I ever be able to be with someone and not think of him?
I just-- I'm a horrible mess right now. :'(

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September
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I am so sorry to hear that you are still upset about this break-up, Kari.

Can you share a little bit what you've done, since we last talked, in terms of focusing on yourself and your own self-care? Also, how have things been going in terms of cutting off contact with that partner? Obviously, if you two have been in touch that didn't work, but I am wondering how that came about?

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karibenitez
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Well since we last talked I stopped looking at his Facebook, I have been focusing more on college (I've been getting straight A's), I've made a new friend and she's also struggling with a breakup of a relationship of 3 years so I've been helping her, and I've been pretty much keeping myself busy and I WAS feeling way better.

Over the weekend he just texted me, "Hey" and I didn't want to reply to him but my stupid self did so we had been talking all week. He was being nice and sweet and acting as if nothing had happened between us. Then Thursday night he told me he'd love to be with me again and he fell asleep. Then I wake up Friday morning with a text that said he'd never want to be with me again. That hurt me so much, he's so manipulative and evil. :'( How could he do that to me? I'm to blame though, I shouldn't have replied back. :'(

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Onionpie
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hi karibenitez. You're definitely not to blame for this -- he's the one who decided to act like this towards you.

It sounds like any contact with him whatsoever right now isn't doing you any good, though, so you could block his number so you're no longer tempted to reply to any of his texts, if you want to do that? Or, if you think he'd respect the request, you could just let him know that you need space from him right now so if he could please no longer contact you.

I'd also suggest making sure you don't check on his facebook or anything like that for a while, too, so that you can continue to focus on your life and moving forward from this. It's great to hear that you've made a new friend and that you're helping each other through your break-ups! It's really great to have some in-person support like that [Smile]

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karibenitez
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I feel so sad. [Frown]
I just can't help but feel sad and I hate it because I was doing so good until this week when this happened.
Why why why. :'(

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eryn_smiles
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Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I think it's very understandable to feel sad when an ex says something awful like that to us. You're still doing really well though and I agree with Onionpie's suggestions to help you get through this. Also, have you been in touch with your friend for support?

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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karibenitez
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Yes I contact my friend every single day.
I wasn't going to tell him that I had talked to my ex but I just had to.
I thought he'd be disappointed in me but he wasn't.
I mean, will I ever be able to love again? :'(

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Karybu
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I'm glad your friend is being supportive - it's so great to have that in-person help when you're going through something rough. Have you thought any more about maybe seeing a counselor, as well?

I understand - and I'm sure I'm not the only one here who does - wondering if you'll ever have a happy relationship again. So often after the end of a relationship, it can seem like you'll never find anything like it again, that you'll never be able to move on, especially when you're still working through your feelings about a breakup (and in your case, a lot of things about your partner you were totally unaware of). Honestly, though, that feeling does pass. It does. Sometimes it can take quite awhile, especially if it was your first really significant long-term relationship, but it does pass. In the meantime, taking care of yourself as best you know how will really help. Making new friends, focusing on school or hobbies, keeping busy in general, all of that can help you more forward.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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karibenitez
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Thank you so much.
I really needed to hear that.
I'm still hopeful that someday I'll be happy again.

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Saffron Raymie
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Hey Kari, just wanted to check in with you; how are you doing?

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karibenitez
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I'm actually doing better again, thank you for asking. :]
He is actually dating a 14 year old girl who is still in middle school.
That's just sick to me.
Now he's targeting little girls.
I'll let him drown in his loneliness.
I guess the best he can do after me is a little girl.
They've only been together for like 2 weeks and he claims she's the love of his life.
Sad because he gave me a ring, wanted to marry me, and claimed IIIII was the love of his life.
Poor girl.
I tried to warn her about him.
He hadn't told her about his dark past so I did and she was shocked and sad.
She dumped him for like an hour and got back with him.
Poor girl.
I'm just feeling really happy and free. :]
I can't explain the feeling.
It's like I can breathe peacefully.
I can think peacefully.
Not checking his Facebook REALLY helps! :]
I'm feeling happy right now but if anything happens again I'll come back for advice from you guys.
You are all amazing people. :']

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September
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Kari, I am glad to hear you are feeling better.

However, I think it would be a great idea for you in the long run to stop getting involved with his life altogether. Not checking his Facebook page anymore is a great start. But if you are monitoring his dating activity and contacting his new partner, that means that he is still a part of your daily life, and that will make it that much harder for you to move on and get over him.

So, now is a good time for you to cut ALL ties with him, and make sure that he is no longer a part of your life at all.

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Johanna
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karibenitez
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I know. :/
After I contacted the little girl I felt kind of weird.
Like I shouldn't even be involved in his life anymore because he's not mine anymore... and never will be. :'[
I haven't checked his Facebook all week and I want to keep this up!
I've been contacting my old high school classmates this week and that helps my mind get distracted.
I've missed my classmates so much.
It kind of takes me back to high school when I was younger and happier. :]

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karibenitez
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Guys I just feel a little weird about what I had done a few weeks ago.
What I wrote above, about contacting the girl.
I WANT to contact my ex and tell him I'm sorry but I feel like I shouldn't contact him.
I'm panicking and don't know what to do.
Can someone give me a little advice?
Ugh what do I do?

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