Everytime i turn everybody changes. Both of my parents have been home for two weeks now and havent hit their happy period yet. My sisters mad at me, and ive tried staying with a friend and theyre not even acting like theirselves. I dont get what i did. Hes been acting weird for a little while but he wont talk to me about it. Maybe its just from being stressed out, but i havent been able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. And friday i had to go to meet the teachers, it went terrible. I cant even carry my backpack because of this cast, how am i supposed to do anything at school? This isnt a time i can do it by myself, im having a two week anxiety attack. I dont know what i did to make my friends mad, but how can i make it up to him? He was going to help me out this first week, since hes gone to this school for a few years. I just dont understand why im always upsetting somebody, whether friend or family. I dont like staying with somebody i dont know all that well, even though theyre trying to be nice. I want things to be like they were before, i never shouldve said anything on my mind to anyone and it wouldnt turn out like this.
I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. Starting high school, problems at home, and trouble with friends are very hard to handle; and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Have you had a chance to talk to your school counselor or to ask them any questions about potential visits? I want you to know that my first few weeks at high school and university were tough, too. I was excited, yes, but it was such a huge change and it was tough to handle. Feeling worried about school is normal, and I am sure that in time, you will settle into a routine and you will feel better.
The moods of others and their feelings and reactions are not your fault. Are your parents making it difficult for you to stay at home? Who are you living with now? It is likely that none of your friends are angry with you. Sometimes, I think that my friend(s) are mad at me; and I find out later that they never were! My brother is a constant example: I often think he's mad at me and he usually isn't - he just gets quiet and reserved when something is on his mind. Could this be the case for your friend?
If you can't recall saying or doing anything to get your friend or others you know mad at you, chances are that they are not. Why is your sister angry with you? Could you ask them if they are, or could you maybe send them a friendly text and see how they respond? That could show you whether or not they're angry.
Try not to beat yourself up. I'm so sorry that you're so anxious and are having trouble sleeping. Try winding down a few hours before bed (no TV, computer, phones, or video games... Sad, yes! Lol.), turn off electronics, make the room as dark as possible, keep the room slightly cool, and try to get some exposure to sunlight during the day (I did some research recently on how to sleep better). As for your anxiety, a volunteer here told me that breathing deeply will help. Try doing activities you enjoy - watching your favourite shows, going for walks, listening to music - and consume yourself with other activities. This will sound weird, but when I was stressed in university, homework, studying, and appointments around campus put those problems to the back burner and made me feel less anxious.
Please keep me updated on how you're doing. Think happy thoughts before bed (I know how tough that is to do sometimes, but it might help) and try to be positive. You are a caring, smart, and fun person: you can get through all this! Take care, and I hope you sleep better tonight.
As a random aside, do you like comic books? Maybe some Batman ones might cheer you up!
-------------------- "I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can) Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012
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rextx, I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you lately. Without knowing your situation, other than what you've described here, the best I can say is this: it's hard not to feel like you're the problem when many things in your life are going wrong, but you cannot force people to feel a certain way. (It's taken me 22 years to understand this, and it's still a struggle for me sometimes, too.) If people are upset, that's one thing, but how they act on it (i.e. taking it out on you, saying that it's all your fault) is purely their decision.
Also, a lot of how you're "always upsetting somebody" might not even be about something related to you, but rather about you being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you've been friends for a long time with the friend you mentioned and you can't think of anything you've said or done that might've upset him, chances are, it's not you.
As for your inability to carry your backpack with a cast, would it be possible to ask a school administrator, or even a teacher, about how you might be accommodated?
I really hope your days start looking up! I know anxiety attacks aren't fun at all, and having a lot on your shoulders and on your mind isn't good for that. Take some time to yourself to do something you enjoy if you can, and know that you don't have to go it alone, especially in this community.
Posts: 81 | Registered: Apr 2012
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Hey copper. No i didnt get to. The only time ive actually been inside the school part of the building was yesterday, but my dad was with me and i couldnt really get away. I know it just makes it worse but i always freak out about school, especially when ive got nine classes this year that i dont know a lot about. All theyve been doing is fighting. I thought they woulda had their little fling alreayd but they havent gotten to it yet. Im not really living with him, just somewhere to sleep at night. Hes a friend of my friend, chris, he does sports and stuff too. Doesnt matter all that much when i dont sleep. He knows whats going on, i dunno how, i didnt say a word about it. I hope thats the problem, it just being me. They didnt seem like they were fighting but his mom hasnt let me come over and he wont really talk so im in the dark again. Shes mad because i got in a fight and got hurt at her house. Mom chewed her out for it, thats the biggest reason. Ill try other stuff, i have been walking around though, except when it rains. Seems like its starting to look like fall so its nicer to look at at least. Ive never been allowed to read comic books, just the kid ones in the newspaper. Ill have to search them out, i didnt know you ould still do that. Csandsourpatch, im really not sure how they feel right now. He hasnt talked to me for a few days, even when i text or call him. He hasnt acted out either though. They said i could have a friend carry my stuff, not likely to happen, or to ask my teachers if i can keep my things in my classes. I guess most people could still carry their stuff in that kinda sling, it hurts too much even on the opposite shoulder. Ive got weak bones though, thats why it broke in the first place. Thanks for your thoughts, so many nice people here.
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