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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » reconnecting

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Author Topic: reconnecting
Member # 95068

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Hi everyone, hope you had a fabulous summer!

So I posted a while ago because my bf was going to be far away all summer and we wouldn't have a chance to see each other. I was very nervous about this, but I wound up having a terrific summer anyway. I spoke with my bf once or twice a week, with some texting in between, and it was actually a really good distance.

Now we've back in the same place for a few days. We're both very busy, but I'm actually grateful for the distance, because I'm not ready to spend lots of time with him. When we hang out, we continue to have fun, but there are periods of silence when I wonder whether I should be doing something/whether I'm boring him. He says I'm not, but our rhythm is off.

Also, our sexual dynamic was pretty skewed before we went away. I have a fairly low libido, and it takes him a long time to get in the mood (whether it's fatigue, stress, or something else). Nothing has happened since we've been back, and I don't know whether to chalk it up to the fact that we're readjusting to each other or something else.

I would bring it up with him, but I've only seen him twice since we came back, and I don't know if I should just throw this at him since we're still getting used to each other again.

I also think that my sexual frustration stems from pressures from my environment. Most of my friends are extremely sexually frustrated or like to brag about their experience, and I've stopped talking to them about my relationship because they can't seem to understand how you could have been with someone for several years and not have slept with them.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi, Fiveanddime!

I'm glad you had a good summer! I think that, when two people in any kind of relationship start seeing one another after a temporary sort of distance (either a few weeks or a few months, in your case), it is entirely natural to have a few "off rhythm" sort of outings. When I used to go back to school and see my roommate, things would kind of be similar: you have the initial excited hug and then the sort of pauses in conversations and you eventually settle back into the type of interactions you're used to with that person. Don't worry if it takes a little while for you two to settle into a groove. You've both changed over the summer, so it's only natural that your interactions may seem foreign for a while.

What are the things you've done together that have been super fun or exciting? Do you have a favourite show or movie you watch together, or a favourite outing? Maybe you can try doing something away from both your homes, so you both have some neutral territory, and see what happens?

I agree with you about holding back on sexual discussions until later on. You can certainly think about what's happening, and maybe you can pick and choose what you'd like to discuss with him when you feel it is right to do so. What do you think?

I hope you feel better soon!

"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95068

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Thanks, copper -- good points.

We've seen a movie and spent some time talking. We've also hung out with some mutual friends, which took the pressure off.

I think I'm worried about hanging out in case some of the problems (stress, mostly) we had at the end of last year come back. Maybe they will, or maybe they won't, but I'm almost afraid to find out. I don't want to confront him because it's too early.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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