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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Pen pals?

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Author Topic: Pen pals?
Member # 51221

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Soooooo my one of my good guy friends, we'll call C, has a mutual friend (N) who he invited along once for the three of us to hang out. At the time I'd recently been through a break-up and though I had a good time, I simply wasn't considering dating anyone.

However, we saw each other at a party a month later and agreed we should all, including C, hang out again. I was still thinking of N in terms of friendship but he started getting a bit flirty and by the time we'd arranged a second day to hang out and I was open to see if anything would develop.

On that day I came to find out that he was actually leaving for the military in only five days! So, you know, that put all thoughts of a relationship out of my mind. Besides, I talked to him a little more in depth and though he's a sweet kid, we have absolutely nothing in common. So I don't think I would have been all that interested if he had stuck around.

But he didn't seem to feel the same way. The next couple days after that he continued to text me constantly and in a flirty manner which really confused me seeing as he was leaving in a few days. And then when I told him I had to sleep for work in the morning he called me and asked me if I would write letters to him while he was in the military.

I said yes. Mostly out of surprise and a strong awareness that if I didn't I would look like an *** because I know for a fact my friend C was with N and more than likely he was the one that encouraged N to call me.

The next day N told me that he liked me a lot and hoped if we kept in contact something could develop in the future. I told him I couldn't promise him anything and that if I wrote to him, it would only be as friends. He was cool about it and said he completely understood.

So, yeah, I tried starting one to him today but the thing is I still feel really weird about it. Like, he knows it's not romantic. They're just some innocent friendly letters but I just really don't want to for some reason. I've only met the guy three times in my life and we have nothing in common and I don't know what to say to him.

But I promised I would.

No one understands why I'm so reluctant to write to him. All my friends are just like "it'll be fun to have a pen-pal" or "it'll be good for him to talk to someone in the military" or something along those lines.

And maybe it isn't a big deal. Does it make sense for this to bother me like it does? Am I just making something out of nothing?

Posts: 27 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Member # 44338

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Hey Summerchill

I don't think its weird that this is bugging you at all. I would be feeling pretty strange if I were in the same situation.

You've only just met this guy and now he's asking you to write to him while he's away. And if you were comfortable with it it would be another story, but (correct me if I'm wrong) you're uncomfortable and feeling weird about writing to someone you've only met a few times.

You are under no obligation to write to this guy if you don't want to, it is totally up to you. My suggestion is that you write him a polite letter explaining how you feel about writing to him and that you don't want to write letters to him (am I correct in assuming that you don't?)

Seriously, you're under no obligations whatsoever.


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 51221

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No, I really don't want to write to him. It's good that you understand where I'm coming from. Mostly I just feel like a huge jerk promising to write him and then deciding not to when no one else really understands what would make me uncomfortable.

It would be different if I knew him really well. Or even if we were total strangers just writing for the hell of it. But it's just weird since I really don't know him and yet he's already expressed interest in me. So, yeah, just kinda wanted confirmation that I'm not a bad person for shirking the situation. Thank you for your reply!

Posts: 27 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 56822

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Sounds like promising to write to him was a little under duress (not expecting someone who hardly knows us wanting us to write, and not knowing what to say to those who would unfairly say you're mean for not wanting to write to someone you hardly know).

[ 07-27-2012, 07:57 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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