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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Life choices with partner

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Author Topic: Life choices with partner
fiveanddime
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Member # 95068

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This is something that my friends and I have talked about a lot, so I thought I'd throw it out here, too.

For those of you in college or older, how have you let your SO's plans influence your own?

For example, if you got jobs after college or went to grad school, did you look for opportunities the same area? Did you make decisions independently? How did your relationship hold up? What about summer jobs/internships during college? If you're still in college, what are your plans?

There aren't right or wrong answers. I'm genuinely interested in what you all think and what kinds of decisions you made/will make.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I've definitely deliberately planned things to coincide with the plans of partners. I think the important thing to do, for me, is to make sure I put myself in the picture. Ask myself what the decision means to me.

So for example... if moving to a remote hut in the desert is the only way to continue a relatioinship rather than think "I don't want do this, but my partner does, so I'm going to do it for them"

It feels healthier rather to think "I do prefer living in civilisation when I'm single, but I want my partner to be happy here in the desert and I'll be happier here with them, and that's MORE important to me than being somewhere else"

So it's more a balance of two things I might want, rather than a compromise between something I want and something someone else wants... I think it's important to take more responsibility for a decision like that, because if it doesn't work out, no body needs to feel guilty for derailing someone's life... they were just the best decisions for all of what people wanted.

Exactly what decisions I'd make depend entirely on the people... moving somewhere where I don't speak the language and might be isolated isn't really something I'd want to do unless I felt stable in a relationship and also really stable in all the other parts of my life like education, work, income etc. There's a lot of things I'd need for something like that to feel good to me. And again it is about it feeling good to me... so that I can share that enjoyment WITH a partner, if I'm to do something like that at all.

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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