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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » NEED ADVICE

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Author Topic: NEED ADVICE
The Real Me
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I need some advice on really tellin if a relationship is more is the sex or for real feelings for a person. I am kinda having that problem in my relationship. plz help

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*The Real Me*

Posts: 89 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Hey, SweetAsCandy. Well, I will start here by asking you some questions.

How do YOU feel about the relationship in question? Do you feel that the relationship is about the sex or about you having romantic feelings for the other person?

How do you perceive the other person in regards to their view of the relationship?

Have you and this other person negotiated what you individually want in this relationship? In other words, have both of you agreed to have a relationship for the purpose of having sex or because you have feelings for each other?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Real Me
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Well i feel we both have feelings for each other and want the relationship cuz how we feel about each other but my bf has asked about sex more than once and i has asked him do u just want the sex or do u want me cuz u have feelings and has said cuz he has feelings and evenn been talking of a future but i also know he would like for us to have sex and dont get me wrong i do too but how do i know he wont have sex with me and then dump me or does he have feelings for me to be with me even after sex i need help!

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*The Real Me*

Posts: 89 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Okay. Just checking if I'm getting you right over here. So your bf has specifically stated that he has feelings for you, and has also implied through his actions that he would like to have sex with you as well. Is that right?

You did not state that your bf said/did anything that has led you to believe that he will "lose" feelings for you after sex. Have you told him about your worries?

None of us here can predict what your bf will or won't do, to be honest. The only way to know for sure is to bring up your concerns to him and have him address them one by one. Because, from the sound of it, he has not said/done anything that would've given you the indication that he wants to have only a one-time sexual encounter with you, and then end the relationship.

So what do you think about sitting down and talking to him regarding these concerns/worries/anxieties that you have?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Real Me
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I definitely am gonna talk to him. I feel thats the best thing thank u for the advice.

ps: i really only am worried cuz the last serious relationship i was in, that happened, i had sex with this guy i was with then he dumped me 2 hours later so i just have worries that it could happen.. sounds stupid but thats why.

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*The Real Me*

Posts: 89 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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I think that it's definitely a good idea to tell your bf about your worries in the context of your last relationship. It doesn't sound stupid to me at all. Rather, it makes perfect sense why you would feel the way you do, now that you've disclosed to me the reason for your worries. And I think that your bf would understand too. If you want, you could request him to refrain from engaging in any sexual activity with you until you no longer worry/feel comfortable enough to engage in sexual activities without anxieties of this kind. You certainly have a right to refrain from having sex with a partner if you do not feel fully ready to/do not want to/have worries. Do you think that would help?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Real Me
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I do think it would and that woulc make me feel better until i really am ready. You have helped so much thank you

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*The Real Me*

Posts: 89 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Awesome! Your very welcome, take care. [Smile]

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Real Me
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You take care too and have a good evening. hope to talk again bye [Smile]

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*The Real Me*

Posts: 89 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
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All the best! [Smile]
Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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