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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » 2nd date advice

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Author Topic: 2nd date advice
melissa1506
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So I recently met this guy on sunday...we really clicked hit it off we went out had drinks..and made plans today for date 2..So today we went to the beach, he had strep throat and was sick.
So as soon as we pulled into the beach parking lot he said " no smooching im sick" so I said sure( but was unsure ifhe was using this as an excuse)...then after the beach he invted me over ( i assume he was interested) we just watched tv..he was much mroe quiet then sunday...and he askedme to do his dishes!!... When i was leaving I went to kiss him goodbye he said no im sick..so I dont know how to read this character!! He is a ncie guy and intersting I do like him but how would you read that?

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Heather
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So, am I getting it right that you maybe got the impression that on your 2nd date, he basically wanted you to nurse him?

If so, then for sure, I'd say...well, that's one of those lousy date stories you'll probably keep in your pocket for a while!

I'd say ideally, if he was that sick, he'd have just rescheduled. Or, if he really, really wanted to see you, would have called, said he was so sick, asked how you felt about that and seen what you wanted to do.

But I think not doing those things and asking you to clean up after him on date two is a pretty crappy scene.

Have you said anything about any of this to him? Did you then?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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melissa1506
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No the date was today...we went to the beach he was very quiet...I said you coudl have canceled or rescheduled and he said no i wanted to go ..I really didnt want to get deep into convo about it because I did want to give him bene of endoubt that hes sick and thats why he was lousy.. but im stuck on why he said no smooching and wouldnt even kiss me on lips goodbye when sunday we did.
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Heather
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Well, strep throat is actually a pretty serious illness, so not kissing you was the least he could do. Not asking you to clean his house, though, certainly would have fallen under the same basic courtesy, in my book.

Really, I'd be less hung up on the fact that this guy didn't kiss you as that he asked you to do something pretty darn out of order. And that latter things is what I'd bring up if there are more dates, not him making an effort to try not to get you sick, or not feeling like kissing anyone because his throat was on fire, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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melissa1506
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I tihnk you are right... all i can say is time will tell what happens and next date i mighr bring it up....He actually just text me to thank me for doing them...so I feel a little better he appreciated it..but yet still uneasy why he even asked !
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Heather
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Yeah, I'd mention it, seriously. Especially given your genders, which is probably obvious.

And maybe you can just say, "Hey, I appreciate you thanked me for doing your dishes, and maybe you were just out of your gourd because you were sick, but for future reference, I think asking a date to wash up after you -- especially one date two, of all things -- is pretty out of bounds. In the future, if you're too unwell to even take care of your own stuff in basic ways, it's probably best we just reschedule."

(Coming up with a response isn't so easy, because were it me, at the time, I would have been like, "Ummm...the hell? Are you going to do my laundry later? If so, WHY?!?!" so. But I think something like that should take care of it, and someone who reacted badly to that or didn't get why it was an issue at all would probably be someone to...well, maybe not keep dating.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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melissa1506
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So about 3 hours after second date on thursday he did text me to thank me...and said he apprecited it. So yesterday Friday he didnt text me or call me!! So is it safe to assume this guy is not interested? or just a jerk!
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melissa1506
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so i decided 2 text him today and see how he was feeling. he text me back saying a little better still sick hope you donnt get it... I said I wont and he replied ok good luck!....sounds to me like hes not interested...what a loser!
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