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Author Topic: Missing him
thatgirl120
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Member # 96053

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I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We have a very long distance relationship (hes 10 hours away). Recently, he came to visit me for the first time. We stayed in the same house together for 3 weeks. He left today and I'm completely heartbroken. I have been crying for 3 hours straight and I don't know what to do. He's on a bus home and I can't talk to him until he gets home because his phone died. I can't stop thinking about the amazing time we spent together. Everything I see reminds me of him. What should I do? I feel absolutely terrible ):
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Redskies
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Hi, thatgirl120. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable.

It's ok to take a little time just to cry and be miserable, if we need to do that.

Do you have any friends or family around or who you could call who you think might be supportive and give you a bit of company while you feel low?

Sometimes it can really help to think about the time we had with our partner, and be so, so happy that we had those experiences. I know it feels rubbish if we can't see them for some time, but balancing that, we can be so incredibly happy that this person we like so much is in the world, and that we know them, and that we get to know them well and be close to them and have them in our life.

When our partner's a long way from us, or we're feeling lonely in some other way, it's important to focus on what we have in our own life: the things we enjoy, our own plans. What do you enjoy doing, and what short- or long-term plans or ambitions do you have?

[ 07-02-2012, 12:14 AM: Message edited by: Redskies ]

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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thatgirl120
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Well only a few family members really know so that's kinda a sticky situation. I haven't been doing much but laying in bed all day in pj's crying or Skypeing him. He's really upset too. As soon as we talked when he arrived home we both cried for about an hour. I never knew that it would be so hard. I'm used to waking up with him beside me and now I'm all alone.
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Onionpie
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Hi thatgirl120. I'm sorry to hear that you're still feeling so upset about this. I understand that long distance relationships can be so, so hard. Redskies made a really good suggestion -- when we're in a long distance relationship, it's really important to have other things to focus on while our partner is away. It's really important to be able to keep track of yourself, your own identity, instead of just focusing on the relationship and the sadness of it having to be long-distance, if you understand what I mean?

So, as Redskies suggested -- do you have anything in your life that you really enjoy doing? Are you finding ways to keep yourself busy; perhaps volunteering somewhere, focusing on an old hobby or finding a new one, setting short- and long-term goals for yourself.

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thatgirl120
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My boyfriend is my everything. I live on an old farm(no animals) and my family doesn't really talk to me. I don't have any hobbys because I am usually talking to my boyfriend all day through Skype.
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Onionpie
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Hi thatgirl120. It's really not healthy for your relationship to be the only thing in your life, and for your partner to be your only source of support. Do you have local community groups that you could join to help you meet people and find things you enjoy doing? You could also go to your local library and borrow books about different crafts and hobbies, and then you could get started on trying out a few for yourself. What kinds of things do you feel you might be interested in trying?

Have you read these articles?
Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship
Potholes & Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For

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thatgirl120
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Member # 96053

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Well both of our communities are really small. My dad is also unwilling to drive me to friends houses, clubs and/or sports. I don't get along with my family and I don't have friends. Basically, I'm a loser. My boyfriend and I like spending most of our days together because both of us have no one. I know it's unhealthy but I can't really help it, he's my support.
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copper86
Peer Ambassador
Member # 95710

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Hi, thatgirl120.

Firstly, I do not think you are a loser at all. Some people can have a ton of friends and still have no support; and some people can have a few close relationships with friends, family, and partners and have a tremendous support system. I don't think life is ever measured by how much of something you have - it's more of the quality of what you do have. So, it is great that you have a boyfriend that is so supportive of you and that you are so supportive of him.

Having lived in a small community where you can take a walk and see someone you know, I understand how you feel about living like that. Why is your father unwilling to drive you to friends' homes or to clubs? Do you have any neighbours on farms close by who you can talk to or hang out with? If any of your friends drive, perhaps they can pick you up and you can all do something.

And if seeing another person is difficult, that doesn't mean you have to be bored or feel lonely. When I feel like that, I write, go for walks, listen to music, write in my journal, or play with my cat. You've said that you live on a farm: is there any place on the farm that makes you feel comfortable and secure? You can always find a nice, scenic place and just draw or daydream. Draw what you see, or just make up a story and write about it. Sometimes, the best inspiration for writing I get is a wandering mind or a scene from somewhere that I incorporate into my stories.

Speaking from experience (and this is in no way trying to sound criticizing or rude - not at all!), it is unhealthy to have a boyfriend or partner as your only source of support or activity. My first boyfriend and I were always together; and I would avoid my friends or other activities so we could be together. When we broke up, I was devastated; and since I was so wrapped up in him, the healing process was very difficult. We're still friends now, but I really felt alone and scared when it happened. I'm not saying that this will happen to you or anything like that; but it's just not a good practice to continue doing. I still struggle with this with my partner; but I try to preoccupy myself and do other things.

This post was certainly not meant to sound rude or "preachy"... I just want to show you that you are definitely not alone; and that you could probably find something to occupy your time while your boyfriend is away. [Smile]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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thatgirl120
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Member # 96053

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My boyfriend and I had a serious talk about this today. We decided that we would try to give each other space and time without seperating from each other. Example: Today we decided to be on Skype while he played video games and I read a book. We did this because instead of feeling apart, we felt like we could enjoy things we used to while still having one another "present". Is this a good start?
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